Crawley – The Downsman – Not their Best Night – Unlucky 13th Visit

Marg is – on vacation -, The Hector is merely – on a (another) trip. So it goes. Lord Clive of Crawley, met us at Gatwick an hour after we had – Landed – (how many – Can – references this weekend?). The easyJet flight was early, Gatwick could not provide stairs to disembark for over half an hour.

Lady Maggie and neighbour – Jim – would complete the – Five for Dinner – at The Downsman Curry Club (Wakehurst Drive, Southgate, Crawley, RH10 6DH). Jim was aware that Marg and Hector were primarily here this weekend to see – The Can Project – at The Barbican tomorrow evening, he is also a fan. I want more – I hear The Curryspondents asking, there shall be a massive tome in – Future Days.

Hector had booked a table for five at seven forty five, or attempted to. The first person I spoke to passed me on to someone else. The – Merry Christmas – sign had to be recorded, as was the booking notice on the table – Hepher. Who?

Drinks sorted, the Food was then ordered and paid for in advance, this is the way of The Downsman. There is a New Menu, and New Prices. Breads have typically gone up by 25p except the Aloo Paratha, by a whopping 70p. Main Courses are an extra £1.50. It has been a while since there was an increase, but this was well above the – Official Rate of Inflation at 2.5%.

Three Portions of Lamb Chops (£8.95) for The Chaps, and a Portion of – Mogo Chips (£3.00) whatever they are, for The Ladies – to share. The Chaps know the – Best Curry – at The Downsman is arguably Lamb Methi (£8.95. Being a Friday night, I decided not to complicate things by asking for – on-the-bone. Marg’s ongoing dental issue limits her choice, Lamb Kofta (£8.95). Lady Maggie chose Kerala Fish Curry (£10.95) with – Medium – clearly stated. An assortment of Rice: Keema Rice at an outrageous £4.25 for The Hector, Roshon (Garlic) Rice (£2.75) for Clive, and Mushroom Rice (£2.75) for Maggie.

Clive always orders Bread too, Keema Paratha is not on the Menu, still, but has always been provided when asked for. Clive had to settle for a Keema Naan (£2.95) because the Young Chap taking the Order could not be bothered asking beyond the Young Doris beside him. They were – too busy – to arrange this. This is Shoddy. Jim was up for an Aloo Paratha (£2.95), Marg stayed with her usual – Simple Bread – Tandoori Roti – (£1.95).

The Bill

£93.70. The Lamb Chops are typically – Excellent – but at £8.95, the same price as a Main Course.

Seventy Minutes Later

We watched a group of six receive their Starters, then their Mains. A group of four who arrived after us had theirs too. What lay beyond our field of vision was unknown, the bottom line, we had waited an age and had received nothing. Maggie went up to see what was happening. Soon – was the update. Soon Over Babaluma – just as likely.

Another period of time had past when a Young Chap appeared with a tray full of Mains and a plate of Chips.

We haven’t had our Starters yet! – I exclaimed. Hector – cannot yell. I took the Mogo Chips and sent the rest back.

There was an apology for the confusion, they thought we had asked for everything to be served together. No such instruction had been given, so why even assume this?

Not the normal service you provide – scolded Maggie.

Cancelling the Lamb Chops was the obvious solution, else The Mains would simply have been left to cool.

Tago Mago

These were – Chips – said Marg. What are Mogo Chips? Maggie was expecting – something Spicy.

We asked the Waiter what was – Special – about these. He informed us they were made from a – Vegetable (really?) like Sweet Potato. The Replacement Samsung, which would receive a – Slap – if it wasn’t a woman, and is misbehaving very badly, eventually came up with Manioc/Cassava. No – Vitamin C – here then.

Below This Level There is None

The Mains returned with the Rice Dishes. These were allocated, the Breads took another five minutes, by which time the already – Tepid – Mains had cooled further. At least the Breads may have been Hot, I shall never know. Photos completed, I was straight into the Keema Rice and Methi Gosht.

A Portion of Lamb Chops now arrived – on the house – as a further apology. Five Chops, five Diners, Marg cannot bite. A Portion of Lamb Chops has previously been recorded as – Six!

Lamb Methi

Hector’s pace of eating has slowed appreciably in recent times. It was after 21.30, what lay before me disappeared in record time, before it was just too cold to endure. The Keema Rice saved the Meal, being warmer than the Lamb Methi. A sensible Portion, the extra Meat put the Overall Dish into the – Rara – category.

Nine pieces of Very Tender Lamb were shrouded in a Thick Masala. The Spice crept in, the Seasoning was fine. The Downsman Pedigree was there, a pity the front of house staff had spoiled it.

Jim enjoyed his Lamb Methi:

A thick masala, I like the oil sitting on top. It had a good spice to it, the Lamb was tender. One of their better curries.

Of his Aloo Paratha: .. one of the better ones, the bread and potato not too thick, which I like.

Clive was momentarily speechless, recovering from a Chilli. He did not know from whence it came.

Lamb Chops

Two came Hector’s way, this was decreed to be – Fair – by me. Nobody commented. Jim was at the far end of the table, Clive would never have known, Maggie had enough before her.

Despite having been left to the end of my Meal, these were still – Downsman Lamb Chops. Superb, but Pricey. A Crawley Treat.

Jim – Good chops, if they had come as a Starter they would have been excellent.

Lamb Kofta

Marg received six meatballs in a Blended Masala. The Kofta were smaller than would be served in Glasgow/Bradford. Her comment sums the Dish up well:

Very spicy, plenty sauce … it’s a bit too soupy for me.

Why was the Masala not as Thick as that served in the other Dishes, and why so much?

Kerala Fish Curry

I have observed Maggie eat Curry over many years. No matter the Spice Level, she always finds her Curry to be – too Spicy.

A thick, spicy sauce, lots of Fish.

Maggie finished her Main Dish which might be a first in Hector’s company, this is despite a half share of Mogo Chips and a Lamb Chop. It was now 22.00, two hours after ordering. Lady Maggie was hungry. Yvonne would never have let herself get that hungry.

The Mushroom Rice did not pass muster.

Maggie: A bit dry, and few mushrooms were harmed in the making of this…

The Refund

Another Waiter made a further apology. The matter of Lamb Chops times three being refunded to Hector’s credit card was sorted.

The Conclusion

Too many Young Staff run off their feet. Who was the – Overseer – the Chap in the jacket? He came nowhere near us. Maybe The Downsman is better midweek?

The Aftermath

The Ladies withdrew. Jim had to retire also, Debs was waiting perhaps. Hector and Clive ordered a taxi to the Brewery Shades. The Ale was on Hector to the equivalent of – Lamb Chops times three.