And so it’s December, the start of the – silly season – when Hector is particularly prone to buying Friday night Takeaway, busy pubs being best left to – amateuris drinkerus. OK, today is not Friday and as Boris has declared – this is the season to be jolly careful. The pubs remain closed for the foreseeable. Nicola, why?
Following the given instructions to the letter, Hector is presently not permitted to visit the usually reliable New Kismet Tandoori, even though it is visible from the end of his street. There lies the eastern boundary of West Dunbartonshire. The River Clyde bounds the county one kilometre to the south of Hector’s House with the northern frontier a similar distance in the other direction. This leaves Hector with the choice of buying the homogeneous Curry that is Clydebank Takeaway, or driving to Dumbarton and/or the Vale of Leven in search of something different. Hector is hemmed in, but as will be revealed in future posts, Marg apparently is not.
Whitecrook punches the Clydebank boundary east towards Yoker (Glasgow), herein lies a Takeaway which has only come on to Hector’s radar in these strange times.
Mr Tasty (20 Fleming Avenue, Whitecrook, Clydebank G81 1AJ) is located in a small shopping parade in a residential area. On arrival this evening just after 18.00, the set up was evidently that of Chip Shop turned Curry outlet. Fish & Chips is way down the menu, Pizza and Kebab are competitively priced.
Having studied the online menu before travelling, it revealed something approaching a little shop of horrors in terms of Hector’s predilections. Capsicum must be avoided at all costs, Mr Tasty was not making this easy. The customary Karahi Gosht was a no-go area, the description for the Karahi Dishes confirmed all that must be avoided, no doubt Big Blobs of Onion too. Mr Tasty Tikka Speciality, this section confused. Chicken Tikka (£8.20) was clearly available, but how does this explain Lamb (£8.70) and Mince (£8.70). Keema as Tikka? Never heard of it.
Hoping the – Lamb– would actually be the standard or – Tender – as many venues call it, the Mister Tasty Special Tikka in Lamb became Hector’s choice. Marg would have the Mince version. The promised – thick Bhoona sauce – ticked the boxes. The inclusion of both Prawn and Mushroom would add the required – Diversity. I decided to go for it and order a Mushroom Rice (£2.90) whilst Marg would stick with her customary Chapatti (£1.00).
All three staff would become involved in the Order. The chap in the middle directed me to the lady who would take the notes. He in turn relayed this to the chap in a turban to the rear. One does not see turbans often in the west of Scotland, so perhaps, something different from the usual Punjabi Fayre was on offer, and hopefully something different to the ubiquitous Curry Paste that appears to be the Clydebank norm.
I was informed that the Specials included the choice of – Rice or Nan. I took the Naan option, a Chapatti for Marg was accepted. I stuck to the plan and added Mushroom Rice. No Green Peppers – was relayed across the staff hierarchy, my chap pointed out that there would be Mushrooms in the Curry.
I love Mushrooms, I hate Capsicum – was my further advice.
One cannot have too many Mushrooms.
The serving Doris relayed that she hates when Chips arrive on top of her Pizza. We each have our own preferences.
Normally, this would have been the cue to engage in conversation, establish how long the business has been in operation, which Dishes are their true Specialities, the efficacy of the Desi Style Curry. Alas, Hector had to vacate the premises and let further customers in. Standing outside in the cold, waiting for a Takeaway, is this what winter holds?
The Bill
£20.30 Paid by card, who is still using cash? Had I ordered online, a saving could have been made, but for a first visit, the tweaks were better made in person.
The chap recited the Order as I picked up the bag from the counter. My Naan had become a Chapatti, more for Marg.
Lamb Mince
Marg had two karahi warming in the oven. The Curry was in plastic containers so the contents would be decanted for further heating. The Coriander Topping was minimal, what happened to the – spring onion – as the menu described?
The Chapattis were a good size and remained soft, Marg would manage one and a half, which Hector has realised over the years is the optimum. Why can one not buy a half-Chapatti?
The Mushroom Rice could have been shared if required, Marg stuck to her preferred – Bread only. Fresh Mushrooms, an abundance of, excellent.
Mr Tasty Special Tikka – Lamb
There was no need to count the Meat, there was more than a Hector could eat at one sitting, writes the man who can demolish the half kilo. The Masala was – Bhuna Thick – and in no way excessive. Soupy Curry and Capsicum had been avoided.
I started with the Lamb, there being so much of it, no need to employ differential mathematics to calculate the rate of consumption of – solids v sauce. The Lamb was dry and gave off almost no Flavour whatsoever. I had hoped that this was not Lamb Tikka, if it was, who were they kidding? The level of Seasoning was way below that which was sought, there wasn’t much happening on the palate. Next to no Spice, next to no Flavour – was noted.
The small pink disks, Carrot was my first thought, it was Marg who identified them as Prawns. As one who only ever buys King Prawns, Shrimps are eaten rarely. Button Mushrooms were in the Masala, the Rice had Sliced Mushrooms, this could have been everything a Hector desired, but still, not much was happening in terms of Flavour. A Tomatoey Flavour finally emerged with a slight sweetness which may have come from the Prawns. Prawns always make a Masala – sweet.
This experience goes under the category of – it was Curry and so I enjoyed it.
I have been told by the manager at Hot & Spicy that there are not enough people in Clydebank looking for Desi Cuisine. Maybes, aye, maybes no …
Mr Tasty Special Tikka – Mince
The lack of Oil slick and the Minimal Masala impressed. This appeared to be a decent interpretation of the genre.
Loads of prawns – was an early Marg comment.
For once there was no Hector Soupçon, too busy managing the Meat. One assumes the Masala came from the same Big Pot. When I asked Marg to comment on, and compare this offering with the Keema which we usually source:
More tomatoey.
I’m full of mushrooms and prawns as well as the mince.
We both admitted defeat, Marg had little left over other than the half Chapatti. For Hector, a lunch awaits.
Over the next few weeks, Hector will have to – go west – to source his Curry.
Let the Hector out!
