Two nights in Crieff, four Curry outlets reported, a Curry opperchancity. Hector was misled. Many moons ago, Marg announced a family get-together at a posh establishment in this town. Hector booked us into a B&B on the high street instead, the difference in price would hopefully cover the Curry. Actually it was more to do with avoiding dogs & weans.
Early research showed one venue serving Punjabi Fayre, on arrival yesterday, Royal Tandoori turned out to be Takeaway/Delivery only. An alternative venue had become a gift shop and the other did not sell Curry. This left The Gurkha’s (1 East High Street, Crieff PH7 3AF Scotland). Hector does not rush towards Nepalese Restaurants, the fear of – Soup – and – Blandness – means – take the alternative. There was no sit-in alternative.
Nepalese & Indian – claim The Gurkha’s, there was hope having studied the menu online. Gordon, father of James, plus Ryan and Hector arrived at the empty Gurkha’s around 18.30. Two more diners would eventually arrive. A Wednesday night, and no World Cup on TV, surely a night to get out?
The Gurkha’s seats thirty four, the décor is minimalist as was the heating. Beware.
Being the chaps escape to normality, there would be Bier, pints of Cobra, price not declared at the time of ordering, plus Orange Juice (£2.50) for the driver, Gordon.
What to have? Gordon asked the Hector for advice. Having never been here, how was this possible? The opposite approach was the response: avoid Vindaloo and Madras.
James, who had Butter Chicken when he made his Curry-Heute debut, helped his dad come up with Lamb Rogan Josh (£13.95) with a Peshwari Naan (£3.75). James didn’t stray far from this in the menu and opted for the adjacent Lamb Kathmandu (£13.95), with a Cheese & Garlic Naan (£3.75). They then sneaked in a Pilau Rice (£3.95), to share.
Gordon declared the need for Poppadoms, here we go. Actually, for once, Hector did not resist. Poppadoms (4) Mango Chutney, Mixed Pickle Dip (£5.50) was bearable. Other venues would have had a tenner on The Bill at this point.
Ryan travels oft to what was once called The Far East. From his home perspective, it’s up north. Ryan has had copious Curry in Australia too and knows his stuff. Butter Chicken with extra Capsicum – is always his wind-up, he knows better, I believe.
Lamb Balti (£13.95) was his choice with Boiled Rice (£3.50), oh and a Garlic Naan (£3.75). Just to prove that, at a certain age, there’s no limit to what one can consume, James added Chicken Pakora (£6.95), Ryan – Seekh Kebab (£6.95).
£6.95 for Pakora and Seekh Kebab, the Hector would patiently wait to see how this was justified.
The description for Karahi was sufficient to command a wide berth. Most certainly not a Punjabi/Lahori Karahi.
Lamb Methi (£13.95) became Hector’s first choice, depending on the nature of the Dish. Lamb Bhuna (£11.95), which also featured Methi, was the fallback. I asked Mein Host about the nature of the Lamb Methi was it – Masala with Methi, or a mass of Herbs and no Masala? His first response was – Fenugreek. Then he assured me it was my preferred – Masala with Methi.
Nobody had mentioned Spice Level. I asked for – Spicy, above medium, not crazy.
Spicy Curry in a Nepalese Restaurant? Medium could well be below – Bland.
Meanwhile, across the road at Royal Tandoori, they were preparing a £119.00 Order for those on dog and wean watching duties, or them that just couldn’t be bothered coming out in the cold. Marg had been organising this when we left. I heard Chicken Tikka Masala more than once. Delivery (£1.00) via one of the many agencies had been mooted. What could possibly go wrong?
The Poppadoms and Dips were devoured. I couldn’t believe that having had a full Scottish Breakfast, I could be this hungry already. A good sign for what was coming. OK, Breakfast was at 08.00, typical British hospitality:
You can have breakfast anytime, between 08.00 and 08.30 – Marg and I were once told in The Lake District, a Sunday morning too. Checkout, before 10.01. How do they get away with this for the prices charged? It also puts in perspective how relatively little I/we pay on our frequent trips abroad, for better service.
I warned Gordon, in particular, to beware of the Pickle. He took some and did not react. This was surprisingly mild in comparison to the Lime Pickle I usually encounter. Our palates were not destroyed before our Main Courses.
A Raita and a pink Yoghurt were provided as accompaniments for the Starters.
Chicken Pakora
Seven decent sized pieces of Chicken in a worrying – red – coating. £1.00 a piece. I was offered, but gracefully declined. Chicken Pakora does nothing for me, let those who enjoy it have more. Hector the magnanimous.
My fellow diners all enthused, perhaps too much. It couldn’t have been that good. Chicken in a Spicy batter, now Fish in a Spicy Batter…
Seekh Kebab
Given the light colour, I deduced these were made from Chicken Mince. Ryan seemed to take an age to get started. Again, on offer, Hector was not missing out.
Spicy and Herb-rich, these were authentic Seekh Kebab, all two of them, sliced to create the impression of – more. How can they justify £6.95 for this?
The Seekh Kebab were also – hot, much appreciated, did I mention how chilly the room was? And how cheap fuel is in this area, comparatively speaking.
Two more pints were ordered, Hector still had plenty yellow fizz, no more required.
When the three pots of Rice were presented, I recognised the style, but was maybe fooled by the size. For a moment I thought – Euro Rice portions, fortunately, once decanted the plate was covered. This quantity I would manage. The Mushrooms were fresh. Ryan would go on to establish that he hadn’t needed Rice.
Here is the Cheese & Garlic Naan and then the Peshwari Naan.
How peely wally are these? Hardly a burnt blister to be seen, no sign of rising, and served in six pieces. This is not how Hector seeks his Naan.
The Garlic Naan arrived last and was the only well-fired Bread presented. Better by far, spot the blisters. At the end, Bread was left.
Lamb Methi
A decidedly thick Masala in a Nepalese House? There’s hope for mankind. Appearance wise this was way better than I could have expected. Strands of Herb were strewn through the Masala, would the Hector have his Methi blast?
I counted the Meat beyond double figures as I decanted. James asked why I was counting the Meat.
Eight is a standard portion, when the count reaches double figures, one has a decent portion.
Now he knows.
The Seasoning was well below the Hector idyll, as a consequence, the Flavours took a while to emerge. The Spice Level was no more than – moderate. At least it wasn’t – Bland!
There was a consensus around the table that the Lamb was – Tender. Ryan, as we shall see, may have been a bit exuberant. As ever, in a Mainstream Curry House, the Lamb was giving off not much more than the taste of the Meat itself.
Ryan related his experience of Goat Curry on-the-bone, served in Thailand, if I recall correctly. He is now aware of the added Flavour. Meat on-the-bone in a Mainstream Curry House? Maybe this is another parameter which can be employed to differentiiate Mainstream from the outstanding.
I have just referred to The Gurkha’s as – Mainstream. Already this is a positive in Curry-Heute. Let’s not get carried away, this Lamb Methi needed much more Methi for a start. No Methi blast, overall the Flavour was at a premium, Hector is used to a greater intensity. Having asked for – Spicy – it wasn’t. Still, competent Curry, that it wasn’t – Shorva, a bonus. If I was a resident of Crieff, I would indeed take advantage of the invitation on the Takeaway Menu to ask for my – dish of choice. Well, insist it was cooked towards the Hector palate.
Why do I think the next paragraphs might be a hoot?
Lamb Kathmandu
Lamb Tikka one assumes given the BBQ reference. Apart from that it is difficult to identify much difference from the above Curry. Maybe the Methi had the visible strands of Herb.
The man who likes Butter Chicken had this to say:
It was very good, I tried a new dish, and would recommend it.
Everything was good, the Poppadoms, and the Lime Pickle was not too spicy.
Lamb Rogan Josh
When I saw this, I had to mind my language. Wtf has this got to do with a Rogan Josh? I have seen many a horrendous Curry, had a few unfortunately, look at those Onions! Since when did a Rogan Josh become a Dopiaza? Large pieces too, hardly cooked. Now I can imagine what Gurkha’s – Karahi – may have looked like. The likely use of food colouring too, hold me back.
Rogan Josh? This was neither in the traditional Tomato-rich style or the contemporary Creamy Curry that has evolved in more recent times. However, to be fair, Rohit at Raunak Raseeli (Glasgow) recently described Rogan Josh as Onion-rich. The Onions here were – Ballast!
I watched as Gordon made progress, what lay beneath was no better. For Hector, this would have been – Curry Hell.
Gordon enjoyed his Curry, clearly he found his entire visit to The Gurkha’s to be favourable:
I’m not really a Curry eater, I thought it was well presented, and I do like poppadoms. I’d certainly go back.
When James saw Gordon’s Curry, he was so taken by it, he would gladly have swopped.
I think I’m at the wrong movie – as a Doctor of Philosophy known to Hector once said, actually more than once. Poppadoms, aye right.
Lamb Balti
We’re back in the land of proper, thick Masala, with perhaps some pieces of Onion protruding. Again, why so – red?
With Boiled Rice and his Garlic Naan, and not forgetting the Starter, Ryan had quite an undertaking before him. As he ate, Ryan did mention a lack of Spice in his Balti. He was brave to go for a Curry which is defined by the container it is traditionally served in rather than its content.
Having asked for a few words, Ryan went one better and sent the following:
First time Cobra experience, refreshingly smooth and matches well with the cuisine.
Poppadoms crisp and crunchy with well portioned accompaniments.
Seekh kebab a little dry could give or take. Tasty enough however fair amount of Raiti needed to moisten.
Lamb Balti: succulent lamb and generous with meat portion. Well spiced, advertised as ‘Hot’ but would describe as Mild-Medium. Touch of coriander was nice.
All in all a delicious experience would recommend and visit again if I find myself in Crieff.
Crieff, again? I’ll let Ryan off with his use of the – n – word that should never appear in a food blog. And with reference to another – n – word, let us reflect on the bravery of Squadron Leader George Johnny Johnson (617 Squadron) who passed today aged 101: the last of The Dam Busters.
The Bill
£131.10 The cheapest petrol/diesel in the land may be found in the garages around Crieff, this spirit has not been translated to this Curry House. £5.75 a pint for yellow fizz? No wonder I rarely indulge.
The Poppadoms and Dips had suddenly become £6.95.
*
The Aftermath
I went up to the counter and presented the Calling Card. I then congratulated Mein Host on not serving Soupy Curry. He confirmed that the Kormas have more sauce.
Appreciation of the fayre was expressed as we departed. As reported above, my fellow diners certainly enjoyed their meal. Hector needs to get back to a Punjabi Curry Cafe soonest. Alas, more Mainstream Curry is scheduled for later in the week.
On rejoining the rest of the company, leftovers were being placed in the fridge. Guess whose Curry was omitted from the Delivery Order?
Marg resorted to trying bits of everyone else’s. Royal Tandoori said that her business was with the Delivery agency not with them, they could do nothing. So it goes.
The Gurkha’s Menu extracts
