Glasgow – Murphy’s Pakora Bar – ? Really !

July 4, apart from a General Election, not much happening today, but it is Marg and Hector’s twenty first wedding anniversary. The majority of anniversary dinners have been enjoyed abroad, presently, we need a break from travel. It was Marg who suggested Murphy’s Pakora Bar (1293 Argyle St., Glasgow G3 8TL), the thought having been planted as we passed the premises last week en route to Glasgow Mela 2024.

The 2022 menu was posted in these pages soon after the (re-) opening of Murphy’s Pakora Bar on the site of the former Green Chilli Cafe, all part of the Ashoka chain. A table was booked for 19.30.

Marg loves her Pakora, especially when freshly cooked, which for the Vegetable version, is actually quite rare. Curry-Heute bingo: Marg’s first experience of Pakora was in a Bearsden/Milngavie Curry House where she found her Pakora to be quite horrible. Puzzled as to why everyone was enjoying theirs, it took a few moments to verify that Pakora is not soap fried in batter. In time she visited the original Murphy’s Pakora Bar and found it to her liking.

We arrived early for our booking. After verification, we were summoned upstairs and allocated a booth table in one of the many rooms and alcoves which make up the premises over the two floors. The menu provided, it was make your mind up time.

With some awareness of the menu, I had previously suggested to Marg that rather than follow our usual model of two Mains, one Rice, one Bread, if we were going to overload on Pakora we should share one Curry. On the bone Desi Lamb (£12.50) would be the Curry.

After Vegetable Pakora (£5.50), Marg loves Haggis Pakora (£7.25), whilst Hector’s favourite is Fish Pakora. The latter was not mentioned per se.

A well kent face approached the table, Mein Host.

I know you! – Hector’s immediate proclamation – your photo is on the wall along the road.

Mother India’s Cafe – added Marg.

He then mentioned a former workplace – Creme de la Creme, once Europe’s largest Curry House, not far from these premises, and long gone. This was where Marg and Hector had a first Curry, on a first date, more than three decades ago.

The face I knew, but not the name. The waiter duly provided a business card – Raj Bajwe MBE. Raj was keen to give advice. He suggested we order the – Murphy’s fryer for 2 (£16.00). We both believe we heard him state that the standard portion was – five – and that the – fryer for 2 – would therefore be more to our advantage. He also confirmed that Amritsari Fish (£7.00) was in fact Fish Pakora. Raj also mentioned the Desi Lamb, I explained that this was primarily why I was here.

We were asked if we used a certain social medium.

I’ll do better than that, but I’ll not tell you how until the end.

Raj obliged the anniversary couple and took a photo.

The drinks order was taken, a 750ml bottle of Sparkling Water (£3.95). We needed more time to formulate the rest of our Order. A request repeated twice more.

Tarka masala tots (£5.50) would be our additional Dish. What better than Potato to accompany a Lamb Curry?

Our original waiter was back to take the Order. The components of the – fryer for 2 – was outlined. Samosa – was suggested. Recalling the near horror in Brisbane that was Samosa chat (served here at £9.50) this was quickly rejected. Let’s maximise the Pakora. Double the Fish allocation was agreed. A Paratha (£3.00) would complete the order.

Any allergies?

None, but I verified that no Capsicum would appear in the – On the bone Desi Lamb.

As ever, I asked for my Desi Lamb to be – Desi-style. Belt and braces.

Can I have Desi-Apna-Desi?

Our waiter wrote nothing down, a sign of confidence or a big mistake?

The welcome had been wonderful, we were all set for a great meal. Meanwhile, Raj was working the room.

Murphy’s fryer for 2

Whilst the presentation may have impressed, the Hector was here for the food. Where was it?

Eight pieces of Pakora, two Dips, minimal garnish. If Chef was having a laugh, the Hector did not find it funny. This was outrageous, £2.00 a unit. Days ago, I had a Vegetable Pakora (£5.50) portion with nineteen pieces.

Four pieces of Fish Pakora, of my two, one was fresh, tasty, the other somewhat wizened. The twice fried Vegetable Pakora was – dry. Marg would go on to state that the Haggis Pakora was the best part of the meal. Her solitary piece.

Marg disagrees, but I still feel Haggis Pakora differs little from that served in any Fish & Chip shop.

Where were the Potatoes? The waiter looked puzzled when I asked the whereabouts of the Tarka masala tots. Having checked the machine on the nearby bar, coming soon was promised.

Already, there was the feeling that our single Curry option might not satisfy, when it arrived, this was proven. However, there was the matter of the Paratha.

Paratha

This was as small as a Paratha can be. It was light in colour, approaching a Malabar Parotta. These are typically served small, but the girth and stretchiness were missing. If this was a Malabar Parotta then why not say so on the menu? If not, a rip-off!

We were immediately offered another, declined.

On the bone Desi Lamb

Eight pieces of Meat, four on-the-bone sat in a reasonably viscous Masala. This was not much more than a – tapas – portion. As the Paratha was divvied then duly dipped in the Masala, so the now farcical nature of our meal became obvious.

We needed another Curry. Marg mooted Butter Chicken (£12.00) but knew I would never accept that.

The Lamb was Tender, but was giving back no more than its meatiness. Four pieces each meant a disproportionate ratio of Meat to Masala. One Sucky Bone.

The Spice Level was fine, and worked for both of us. The Seasoning was decidedly lacking. Consequently, a whole lotta Flavour was not coming through.

Onion strips were mixed through the Masala, no Whole Spice. Where was my Clove, Cardamom, Cinnamon Bark? OK, the Lamb was on-the-bone, this does not make a Desi Curry.

In what way was this Curry, Desi? In name only, surely? Curry-Heute recognises this Curry as – Mainstream.

We had each eaten  little more than the volume of any decent sized Starter. The Hector was possibly more hungry than at the start.

Where are the Potatoes?

Still no sign of the Tarka masala tots.

Both our waiter and Raj were in attendance. More Lamb Curry was ordered.

Can you ask Chef to add a bit more Seasoning?

The waiter responded with – Spice?

No, Salt – as I addressed both.

To Raj – do you know the word – Khara?

This was acknowledged. Marg thought I was being condescending. Moi?

More Bread, and going against my usual practice, a Garlic Naan (£4.00) was added.

Logically, the Potatoes could have arrived in the interim. Guess what?

On the bone Desi Lamb – #2

Behold a Shorva! The Masala was way more – Soupy – than its predecessor. The Meat count appeared to be more, but so was the Bone.

The Garlic Naan was a classic example of why I generally avoid them. Served in bits, light, peely wally, no sign of Tawa/Tandoori blistering, soggy. There was but a threat of Coriander. Needless to say, the pungency of the Garlic was going to dominate all else.

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Tarka masala tots

Ah, the Potatoes! As a – Small Plate – this felt as though there was a comparable volume to the main course – Curry. The – Tarka? There was Soupçon hidden beneath the Coriander Leaves. The cubed Potatoes had a decent Texture, unlike the Lamb, here Flavour had been absorbed. The Masala seemed no different from that which was classed as – Desi. The missing link, we now had Meat and Potato, an excellent Curry combination. There was a chance we might actually fill our still empty stomachs.

The thinner Desi Masala had no more Seasoning than version #1.

Plus ca change.

There was no Masala Tea available, Marg’s favourite.

Marg ordered a Latte (£3.50).

Sorry, the machine is not working today – advised the waitress.

We had come to dine, it was still under an hour since we had sat down.

I won’t be back here – declared Marg.

Usually I would ask for more words, this says enough.

Coincidentally, these were a variation of Marg’s words when we last visited these premises as Green Chilli Cafe:

I don’t think you’ll be coming back here.

The Bill

£57.70 The biggest Bill for the smallest amount of food ever served in a Curry House. In over two thousand reviews on Curry-Heute, significant.

The Aftermath

The Calling Card was given to the waiter who concluded I had a Curry House. On clarifying otherwise, he immediately asked for a second which was given to Mein Host.

The review was promised as soon as. Reading any posts prior to this should outline why Glasgow’s Southside is considered the place to go for Curry in this city.

There is so much better to be had than the – Mainstream.

2024 Menu