Crawley – Ram Sports & Social Club – Farcical, and not amusing

In the early days of Curry-Heute, Ram Sports & Social Club (West Green Pavillion, Ifield Avenue, Crawley, RH11 7AJ England) was held in the highest regard. With SWAGAT and Lal Akash as other sub-monikers, this was the home of Lamb Mishkaki, a Curry, if indeed it was,  even drier than the South Indian Sukka/Chukka. The Ram Club’s locus in the very north of Crawley made it less easy to get to whilst Mein Hosts – Lord Clive & Lady Maggie – lived in Southgate. There, The Downsman reigns. However, a recent move to Northgate has brought the Ram Club back into play.

This afternoon, it was agreed that we were taking Dr. Stan to Lewes for his first visit to Beak Brewery, hasn’t everyone been? It came as a bit of a surprise to discover that it had been arranged for the four of us to meet up with Jean, Kathy and Jon at the Ram Club for 19.30.

The Lewes Four were back in plenty of time, in fact, thirty minutes early. We were escorted to our table. Why give corner tables whereby those sitting along the wall cannot get out?

Menus were brought, plenty of time to peruse. Also (Deutsch), the Lamb Mishkaki is no more! No point having Starters then. Back in the day, Lal Akash was prominent on the menu, this evening, Bollywood Kitchen is now the sub-moniker. A change of ownership, is the catering sub-contracted? There was no £1.00 entry charge this evening. With pool tables in the bar area, this venue still puzzles. What are the other sports? OK, I did walk across a cricket field to get here.

Jean and Kathy were early also (English), drinks would be arranged. The Ram Club still sell their drinks at the bar only, this means the The Bill only features food. Two bottles of wine were purchased to my left. I am told the prices were most attractive. Dr. Stan and Hector were sticking to water. Why drink bog standard Bier after Craft Beer at source?

A waiter suggested Poppadoms (£0.90) – whilst we waited, six. Does this mean if you arrive after your fellow diners, you don’t get a Poppadom? Anyway, the Hector was not interested, Jon took care of the remaining Poppadom when he arrived.

Methi Lamb (£10.95) was considered. It was here Craig first had this and subsequently claimed to have – discovered – Methi. He had never been to Bradford. However, Handi-Lamb (£10.95), also mentioned as Handi-Lamb available in Chicken, is served on-the-bone. Here was the opperchancity to have a Desi Curry, possibly. Maggie had this last time, back in 2013, and found it to be – not too hot. Maggie was about to order it once more, however, she changed her mind fearing it could be – too much. Don’t people read a well known and reliable Curry Blog before they go out to dine? Jon had, he was wondering how Gulnar Tandoori (Larbert) makes an appearance. Larbert, his home town, and there were no more mentions of this settlement, despite Dr. Stan sitting opposite the Hector.

Maggie and Dr Stan both chose Mutter Keema (£11.95), Clive did not, despite there being no Dhansak on the menu. For a change, he thought he would go down the Egg route: Egg Curry (£8.95) accompanied by Egg Fried Rice (£4.50).

A great combination – said the waiter.

Interesting – was as much as the table dare speak aloud.

Maggie and Hector would both order Mushroom Rice (£4.50) whilst Dr. Stan went for the more elaborate Veg Fried Rice (£4.95). The ladies were sharing Steamed Rice (£2.95). Jean nominated Chicken Tikka Masala (£9.95), whilst Kathy and Jon: Buter (sic) Chicken (£9.95).

To complete the notes, on asking Jon what else, he said he was looking for Potatoes. Wonderful, who says one has to have Bread or Rice with a Curry? We both went through the menu again, I suggested Bombay Aloo (£6.95). The final box was ticked.

During our wait, I observed masses of containers being brought from the kitchen to an assembly point in front of me. Takeaway business here was clearly booming. There were far fewer meals being taken to the less formal dining tables in the bar, only one other family were in our main dining room.

One of the first elements of our Order to arrive was Plain Pilau Rice (£3.50) which nobody had ordered. We decided to hold onto it pro tem, who knew what other errors awaited? It went back eventually.

The Mushroom Rice impressed in terms of appearance, quantity and the visible Spice. On arranging this on my plate, so a piece of something alien was spotted. A single skin of Capsicum was set aside.

The Veg Fried Rice impressed even more. The inclusion of Soya had put me off, wrong ingredient in an Indian restaurant. However, with the classic Peas, Carrots, Sweetcorn and Green Beans, this was a mini Biryani.

Egg Curry

Whilst there has long been a Curried Eggs recipe posted in these pages, this was a first for Egg Curry. Boil two or three Eggs, serve in a handi full of Masala from – The Big Pot, also! I can only imagine the profit made on this and any Vegetable Curry for that matter.

Then there was the – Foo Yung! Make an omelette, mix it through the Pilau, serve. Clive is going to be fun to sit beside in a few hours.

Clive could not verify if there were two or three eggs in his Egg Curry, surely the latter.

I chose it because I was curious. It was good, a pleasant change from meat and veg.

And as for the Egg Fried Rice:

It sort of got lost in the Egg Curry, but complemented it well.

Across too my right, something spectacular looking had been presented.

Bombay Aloo

The Masala may well have been identical to that in the Egg Curry. Here the massive pieces of Potato protruded from the Masala at the top of the handi. Then there was the killer garnish, a whole Dry Red Chilli. The pungent aroma from this creation was a winner.

I have no tasting notes from Jon or Kathy, so this is as far as this section goes, other than describing the Butter Chicken.

Butter Chicken

Yellow soup, the thinnest of Masalas. This is for those who like that sort of thing.

Chicken Tikka Masala

The Masala here may well have been a variant on the above Dishes. However, this Curry does look stunning. The Hungry Hector sitting on Jean’s right was almost tempted to accept the offer of a Soupçon. Jean, making her debut in Curry-Heute:

Chicken was tender, just enough spices. Masala was rich and creamy. Very good.

Mutter Keema

Both served on a flat metal container, I ask why I saw what looked like a much larger portion being served in a karahi to the adjacent diners.

This was a proper Keema Mutter, Dry as it should be, no needless Masala, and the absolute minimum of peripheral Oil. In terms of Flavour, it’s then down to how much Methi, if any was in there. I think Bread would have suited this Curry, though the respective Rices may well have held their own. Dr. Stan:

Quite spicy, plenty of seasoning, but that may have been off the rice, the soya sauce. Didn’t have delicate flavourings. Plenty of it.

So maybe the metal platter was deceiving? Maggie:

Not enough depth of flavour, no layers to it, which you’d expect from a professionally cooked Curry. When you cook a Curry at home, this is what you try to attain. Clive does it better.

Clive reportedly does a mean Keema Mutter. Hector has never been served Curry Chez C&M.

So there we are, six reasonably contented diners.

Hang on, why is the Hector still staring at an empty plate?

Long after everyone else had got tore in, a waiter approached the table:

No Handi.

What? And you’re just telling me this now?

I can only deduce that Hector’s Handi Lamb went out the door with the mass of Takeaways. Who was managing the kitchen? Last time here, it was the staff outing, the waiting staff had been drafted in from who knows where. They at least brought the Order.

Tonight, as a direct consequence of total uselessness, incompetence in the kitchen at the Ram Sports & Social Club, aka Bollywood Kitchen, they were telling a diner his meal was not available, but only after his six friends had been served theirs?

What a mistake to make!

Start again.

I handed back my half decanted Mushroom Rice.

This will be cold before you can serve me a Curry.

Methi Lamb was the obvious thing to go for.

And so, everyone but Dr. Stan was nearly finished by the time the quickest of Methi Lamb made its appearance. Curry in a flash, I didn’t time it but the Carlisle record may have been broken.

Methi Lamb

Methi Chicken – said the waiter as he brought the new Rice and finally Hector’s Curry.

Is this Chicken? – I asked, in despair.

He clearly did not know but then changed his mind to – Lamb.

Jean assured me that she heard – Chicken – also.

The two British Indian Restaurant means of presenting this hallowed Curry have been described oft in these pages. Hector by far prefers – Masala with Methi – over the mass of – Green Herb Mash – a la Palak/Saag. Then there’s the third approach, as is common across Mainland Europe – add Cream! This was the latter.

There was a lot of Meat here, double figures easily reached. The Meat was giving nothing back in terms of Flavour above its own. How could it, a near instant Curry. The Texture was no better than Tender-ish.

The Spice Level  average, if it even reached that. The Seasoning was completely lacking. Was this – the blandest thing on the menu? Whilst the Methi may have given off its hoped for blast, there was actually more Flavour coming from the Mushrooms in the Rice. Compared to the same Curry as served across town at The Downsman, this was pitiful. Umami, not.

With hindsight I should have ordered two portions of Bombay Aloo.

Did the staff ever approach to ask the customary question? No! Apart from reminding us that drinks were only available at the bar, they did not engage. The Takeaway business seemed to be more important.

The Bill

£108.40    £5.40 for six Poppadoms, thankfully no charge for the Dips.

The tip was minimal.

The Aftermath

Visit #4 does not command a Calling Card. Ram Sports & Social Club has long featured in Hector’s Recommended Curry Houses, no more. Poor service and the possible change of caterers means it has to be removed. Visit #5 looks most unlikely.

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