I wonder if they have fixed the hand drier! – texted Alan earlier in the day. November 2022 was the last time Alan, Tracy, Marg and Hector dined at Akbar’s (573-581 Sauchiehall Street G3 7PQ). Other Curry Houses are available, and it does take an alignment of the planets for the four of us to be free on the same evening.
The booking was for 19.00, Marg was last to arrive, once again Maria was our efficient waitress.
Poppadoms were suggested: if Imran wants us to have them, they will arrive.
There was no sign of Imran this evening.
Only one small bottle of Sparkling Water (£3.00) was ordered this evening, by Marg. The Hector succumbed to a solitary pint of Cobra (£6.95), an outrageous charge for a bog standard lager. Tracy had a small bottle (£5.00) of the same, even less value. Alan considered a bottle white wine (£24.95) to be his optimum tipple. Served warm, just how long was one supposed to wait for the ice bucket to have any effect? The pint of lager was also served at too warm a temperature. A top up with ice was required.
Akbar’s are making a mint from Drinks sales, they could at least serve them at the appropriate temperature.
Hector was here for the food, Bradford Curry in Glasgow. A repeat of my choices on the last visit in January should be manageable: a share of Meat Chops (£7.95) followed by Karahi Gosht & Spinach (£15.95). Marg, who has not had Keema for ages, opted for Karahi Keema & Matter (£14.50).
A bit of persuasion was now required. Marg prefers a Chapatti (£1.00) as her optimum accompaniment, Nobody else desired Naan, and for one, a waste of Bread. Marg agreed to share a Coriander & Chilli Nan (£4.50).
As on their last visit, Alan and Tracy were sharing Meat Chops then having Karahi Gosht & Spinach and Karahi Chicken & Spinach (£14.95) respectively. Why has it taken Hector so long to catch on to this Saag/Palak delight? Tracy asked for Chicken Tikka. Once more, a Chapatti each.
Maria took the Order. She admitted to remembering Marg & I from January this year.
How was the tip?
This she couldn’t remember. She should now remember having her photo taken.
Maria made it clear that anything we weren’t happy with could be replaced. The Order would have to be wrong before Hector would do this, or inedible, an unlikely outcome. Alan did ask for more ice, that the Bier and Wine was warm was communicated.
We always ask for the Meat Chops to be well done. After many years, we are still waiting for them to be truly cremated. Maybe tonight was the night? Neither Alan or I had, as yet, checked the hand drier.
Served – Desi-style – was also the requirement for Alan, Tracy and Hector.
When ordering from the Desi-Apna section of the menu, why do we have to ask? Even in Bradford, this has become the norm.
We settled down for the wait. Once upon a time the staff at Akbar’s used to give a precise time, no more.
Tonight, the sun was still high enough in the sky to cause problems for those of us sitting at the window and facing west. Despite the presence of blinds, these were purely decorative. Alan was but a silhouette from my side of the table. It’s an ill wind…
Maria brought two Dips, then the bottle of Chilli Sauce, which staff here were previously programmed to describe as – Special. Has it lost its edge?
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Meat Chops
Four Lamb Chops, and after my most recent visit to The Downsman (Crawley), these remain attractively priced in comparison.
There was only a hint of Charcoal on some of the eight Chops presented. Is the kitchen simply not willing to serve them as asked for? One of my two had two pink spots, so not even cooked through never mind – well done.
Still, their succulence impressed the Hector, tasty, and with the other bits on the plate, as much an amuse-bouche as a Starter per se. Four Chops are always better than two, but knowing what follows, one has to be realistic. The Chilli Sauce did take the Spice Level up to – eleven.
Tracy, who generally does not eat Lamb, was not impressed by her Chops.
Awful, too fatty.
This was relayed to Maria. The complaints were piling up, no action.
Proper Chapattis, not the Wholemeal versions which I keep encountering. But missing out on the ritual of the Naan at Akbar’s, no way.
Partly risen, puffy loadsa blisters, Hector’s sort of Naan.
I moved the Naan from the edge of the table towards the centre. I was then able to obscure the sun. It also meant I couldn’t see Alan at all for the duration of the eating.
Karahi Gosht & Spinach
The pathetic piece of Lemon was insulting, neither use or ornament. If adding Lemon Juice is a key part of this Dish, then give a decent slice, not the skin. The Coriander as a Topping was incidental given the Herb content of the Curry.
A Masala with Herbs, the Oil collecting on the periphery, Hector’s ideal Methi/Palak Gosht. The plentiful Meat was cut small but not as extreme as – Bradford small. The overall volume did not appear to be challenging, the eyes can mislead. In time I would have to abandon the Bread, as is my norm, to concentrate on the Karahi.
The Dry, Thick, Bradford Curry had set the standard of expectation long before the birth of Curry-Heute. The Bradford Curry Taste was there, sensed immediately. Even in Bradford I have failed to register this of late, if at all. Methi, it must have been in there too. Contradicting the empirical writings in Curry-Heute, this intensity of Flavour had been achieved with a remarkably low level of Seasoning. The Herbs fill the gap.
The Spice Level was moderate. The sliced Green and Red Chillies added extra bite when the notion took me.
Desi-Apna, yet no Whole Spices present, no Bones, and whilst the Tender Meat was key to the overall enjoyment it was not giving much else back. Dare I ask, how was this a Desi Curry?
There was something fundamental which made my enjoyment of this Curry less than it could have been. I watched the vapour rise from Marg’s Keema, most certainly this was not emanating from my Karahi. How long had my Curry been sitting before it was brought to the table? The curse of dining in a restaurant, and as ever, tonight, Akbar’s was wedged. Warm food, Hector likes his – hot.
Loads of promises – remarked Alan who sought even more ice to try and cool the wine. – the chops were tasty but very under fired, despite the well fired order. Some were better than others.
The main was good.
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Karahi Chicken Tikka & Spinach
Who doesn’t like Chicken Tikka? If one is going to have a Chicken Curry, then maybe this is the better option? However, pouring Sauce over Meat does not a Curry make.
Given the unique request, one can deduce that Chicken and Masala had only recently been introduced. Again, how was is this a Desi Curry? Tracy’s verdict for the evening:
Unfortunately for me the starter was fatty and well under fired despite asking to be well fired. My (Curry) was supposedly Chicken Tikka, tasted like boiled chicken to me.
Tracy tends to take a Doggy Bag home with around half of her main course. Tonight she went for it, managing a quantity such that only tiddlers remained.
Does one assume enjoyment?
Karahi Keema & Matter
Topped with Coriander and a decent slice of Lemon, this was a classic Keema. Below the Mince, just a hint of Masala collecting on the base of the karahi. The Peas, and Potato when offered, always add a new dimension to – just Spicy Mince.
Marg had plenty to say this evening:
Decided to share the Lamb Chops starter. Four chops arrived, and although we asked for them well fired, only one seemed slightly burnt. I enjoyed the flavour of them.
When my Keema Matter arrived it was a big portion. The mince and peas were full of spice and there was an enjoyable kick of coriander as well. We shared a Coriander & Chilli Nan which was hung on the metal tree stand. Unfortunately for me, I would have preferred a Roti. The Chilli Nan made my dish too spicy for me. I enjoyed the rich flavours from the Keema. Did not eat too much of the Nan.
There was a Doggy Bag.
I ordered Kashmiri Tea (£4.95) after the food. A pink/brown liquid arrived in a tea cup with a few spices floating. An enjoyable drink and good for digestion.
Alan and Tracy had their customary Espresso (£2.95), whilst the Hector still had the dregs of his solitary lager, to which further ice had been added to prolong the pleasure.
By the end of the meal enough displeasure had been tallied: warm wine, insufficiently chilled Bier, fatty Chops, not cooked as asked, the blinding sun not able to be dealt with, warm-not-hot main course.
The front of house staff were not to blame for any of the above, so giving them a hard time would have been grossly unfair. The question has to be asked: what are the people behind them up to?
The saga of the hand drier may be an indication of this. I found it to be operating, but the direction nozzle missing. Alan regarded this as still broken.
He summed up our visit:
Disappointing, lots of talk, no walk. Nothing lasts forever, although the broken hand drier might!
The Bill
£140.00 Including £1.00 extra for the Chicken Tikka.
The Aftermath
The conversation after the meal was basically about where to go in Glasgow next time. We may have to accept that the venues with the best Curry do not have the ambience, and don’t serve booze.