Normally on a Manchester Trip there is a Saturday Lunchtime Curry at Al Faisal. With a pre-booked Ticket to Sheffield just after noon, time escaped, a Ritual broken. In the Spirit of True Sheldon-esqe OCD, Hector was going to Cheethamhill this evening. A Taxi each way would be Crippling. The 135 Bus might be located around Piccadilly, further advice welcomed. Fortunately, Jonathan, whom I hadn’t seen for Two Days, was Hungry and was Sufficiently Motivated by the Positive Reports that Dr. Stan and Hector had delivered. He would accompany Hector to the Lahori Dera (433 Cheethamhill Rd, Manchester, M8 OPF) for Visit #2. Mein Host, Last Evening, had suggested that on Saturdays they can be queued out the door. I phoned to verify they could take Two, No Problem.
As I entered through the Double Glass Doors, the Head Waiter was hovering nearby. I opened Both Hands, he came straight across to shake the Right. I told You I would be back. The Room was much busier than Last Night, but as the Venue Seats Hundreds, there was plenty of Space. He led us to the Right Front of the Hall, the Open Kitchen was nearby.
The Head Waiter would deal with us. I said we did not require Salad and asked for Tap Water. He informed us that due to Health and Safety they do not serve Tap Water. The Bottle of Still water from the adjacent Table was placed before us. You can have this at No Charge – he offered. As Jonathan would relate later, Hector went into Full Haggling Mode and managed to decline the Offer of Free Water. Do you have sparkling Water? This was provided. I am Happy to pay for this! The Salad came Regardless and as Tired and Weary Travellers, we were Happy to Munch…
The Advantage of Jonathan’s presence was His preference for Boneless Lamb.
Last Night I asked for the Karahi to have Extra Methi and a bit More Salt – Plus Dry. What you brought was Perfect. The same again, but Boneless. Four Roti please.
This was again recorded on the Pad. We waited, but at least the Kitchen was in Sight, we could see The Action. The Manager was busy but still took time to acknowledge My Return. There were a Few Groups of Extended Families scattered around the Large Hall. From Weans who were up late to Grannies, People were here To Feast. The Curry-Heute Test for any Venue which Impresses Hector as much as they did last night, can you repeat it?
Dear Reader, what do You think?
The Flat Karahi, maybe 40cm in Diameter, sat Proudly on The Table. A Pair of Rotis came at First, their Partners later. Same Quality of Bread as last Night, no Crisping. Here we go, again. As Dry as Last Night, same Minimal Oil, same Black Pepper Dominance, same Outstanding Pleasures, well almost. On-the-bone tends to have an Edge over Boneless. In terms of the Quality of The Karahi I tried to refrain from – I told You so.
Jonathan could not be anything but Impressed. He too Favours Dry Curry, Excessive Masala is to be Shunned. There was just Sufficient. I now wonder how they would have served the Karahi without the request for – Dry. Next time, but I need a Partner, the Dish is only served – by the Kilo. Or is it?
The Waiter declared that as I had come back as promised, I deserved a Present. I looked towards the Distant Stage. Dancing Girls? He had something more subtle in mind. He changed the Music. Rahat Fateh Ali Khan, Son of Nusrat, was now being Broadcast around the Hall. With more Western Electro-rhythms it is was not as Pleasing as the original. Ironically, the first time I saw Nusrat was on t’BBC when he was accompanied by Two Chaps on Synth. I have never found this again. The Gesture was Appreciated.
The Bill
£30.30. £1.50 for a Large Bottle of Sparkling Water is Excellent. £4.00 Extra for Boneless Lamb, there is more Meat in a Kilogram without Bones. So why do Some Venues charge more for on-the-bone?
The Aftermath
I promised to return to Manchester before next January and bring My Wife. Somebody should tell Marg, she doesn’t read Curry-Heute.
Cheetham Hill is an area of Manchester that meant nothing to Hector until last month. On the 
A Mature gentleman, who was clearly The Head Waiter, came to take the Order. Lamb Karahi, on-the-bone, with Extra Methi and a Bit more Salt, and Dry. Four Roti (£0.70). This was recorded Electronically on a Pad, No Problem.
The Open Kitchen is at The Entrance to the Right. The Huge Hall must sit Hundreds. The Place was Quiet, maybe Twenty-plus Fellow Diners? Dr. Stan and Hector certainly stood out from the rest of the Diners.
I had deliberately not asked for The Bill at The Table as is my Norm when eating at an Establishment such as this for the First Time. The Manager was on The Till. He took The Cash. Whilst I congratulated him on the Outstanding Quality of The Food Served, I could not help but notice the Itemisation. £1.00 for the Salad, £1.50 for the Bottle of Water. Whilst I made it clear we were not unhappy with the Overall Price, I did tell him that this was a Sneaky way of Inflating The Bill.
Charming, or what? There was no way I was letting this Spoil The Event. He also stated that They are always willing to take suggestions on board. I was given a £5.00 Discount Voucher valid Monday to Friday.
On entering Lal Qila (
How can One Piece of folded A3, or was it less, contain so many Hector Compatible Dishes? There were Five that possibly could I have ordered. Lamb Methi, Karahi, but let’s stop at the Fish Karahi. Nowhere did The Menu mention the dreaded Mushy Green Vegetable. How Dry would the Karahi be? Oh, the Lal Qila Grilled Lamb Chops, maybe a Starter?
A Sparkling Water was brought with the Poppadoms, if it wasn’t a Pint it was as near as. There was no information as to the price of Soft Drinks. As a Licensed Venue, the Fellow Diners were swallowing Various Biers. In for a Penny.
Indeed the Chops numbered Four. Presented Sizzling on an Iron Skillet, the Onions were irresistible. Part of The Fun. A Waiter made the Polite Enquiry as I ate. The Exterior of the Chops was up to standard, I felt them a bit Peely Wally inside, maybe more cooking required, a Rush Job?
This is a welcomed declaration. Mother judges every Restaurant by whether it has a policy of Warm Plates. The Curry arrived along with Chapatti Basket. The Lahore Kirahi were suitably Dry. Delicious – was Mother’s Verdict. She ate every Morsel. The Lemon even ended up her Sparkling Water and was consumed thereafter. Not a Drop Wasted. Marg accepted Defeat with Three Pieces of Lamb left. Doggy Bag. No Problem.
A Plate of what appeared to be Two different Couscous with Fresh Coriander was presented. We each had a sample – Refreshing.
Our Waiter came over and asked if we would like to try a Dessert on The House. There is a New Chef. What I thought I heard as Kulafa, but research now suggests Kunafa was brought. We had asked for One Portion to share, just as well. A Middle Eastern Sweet served with Ice Cream and Cream. There were Nuts, Fruit and a something Spun on top. Very Sweet. A Portion to share was Perfect. Had I the room to eat all this, I would have ordered more Curry. Marg had The Cherry on top.
My First Mama’s Rasoi Dish was Soup, the second a much Improved Dish. Tonight it was Soup again. The Heart sank, this is exactly what I did not want. The Paratha was definitely Peely-Wally. It was so Thin, still, there could be something to Salvage.
I started to Wonder. Is it me? Are my Fellow Diners – Really Content – eating this and accepting it as – Curry? Am I out of phase with what People Want?
A Young Waitress brought the Menu, One of many I would encounter it would turn out. As it was my impression that this venue could be pricey, I decided to stick with Tap Water. The venue is licensed, most were partaking of Stronger Beverages, it is Friday. The Tap Water arrived, that was the last I saw of this particular Waitress. I had plenty of time to study the Menu which was not pretentiously long. Small print on the top right corner suggested I should try Lamb on-the-bone. A good idea. To Accompany there was the choice of Chapatti (£1.50) or Paratha (£2.50). There was no mention of Paratha Variants, I would ask.
The Lamb Desi was immediately attention grabbing. This was Dry, Bradford-Dry. The Lamb was cut Small, Bradford-Small. The 
The Paratha had sufficient Potato to satisfy the need for the Interesting Vegetable. This was one helluva’ Paratha. Excellent.
The pleasure continued. For a brief moment, the distinctive 
The Fish Starter is now the accepted part of Being Fed. Wherever this Sourced I would love to know. The Freshest of Fish covered in Spice and Baked in Foil. Two pieces presented, Alan identified one was Slightly Larger – That’s Yours! This was Alan’s First 
There is nothing which Pleases Hector’s Visual Cortex more, that’s a Star Trek NG reference, than the First Glimpse of a Kilo of 
Three Chapattis accompanied The Feast. Quite sufficient. No need to fill on Bread. In the end the Pile of Bones was a welcome sight, The Endgame. Shkoor reappeared. He saw three small pieces of something left at the Base of the Karahi. We could do no more. Marg had even Nibbled. This she enjoyed, it was within her Tolerance Range. She was full from Match Teas she admitted later. Shkoor forgave us.
The Chaps had a Quiet Evening reminiscing over Times Past, NOT!
It was exactly half an hour from Hector’s House to the Shish Mahal. Walking up the stairs at 17.25 I was not surprised to find myself the first diner of the shift. A young waiter greeted me warmly and took my coat. I was invited to sit anywhere. Being upstairs premises there was no window as such for me to be sat at. I chose the third booth on the left of Four. Another three booths ran down the opposite wall. It was tight squeeze getting in, I suspect others wouldn’t manage. I was given the Set Menu (£9.95) and the a la Carte. I was only interested in the latter. The waiter invited me to call him when I had made my selection. So far, so good.
This was not the most extensive of menus so no pretentious tweaking. The Lamb Karahi Lalpuri and a Vegetable Paratha was the Hector choice. What the significance of Lalpuri may be remains unknown. The withholding of the Green Peppers was not a problem. The Sparkling Water was provided and I cleared away all the cutlery, side plate and cloth napkin, I needed space.
Served in a traditional cast iron karahi sat on a wooden base, I carefully manoeuvred this in front of me and dispensed with the plate. The Curry was Dark Red, with a Thick Tomato and Onion-rich Masala. Buried in this Mash was the Lamb. It looked like Lamb Tikka, the occasional Smoky Taste made me convinced, the tenderness then 
The Vegetable Paratha was excellent. I have now abandoned the Keema Paratha, it is too much to eat with a Meat Curry. This was well filled with Potato and Fresh Coriander, a good size at £2.45. For the record, Chapattis are available here at £0.85.