Hector The Enraged – There are no Curry Houses on the Southside, allegedly.
An acquaintance of Marg asked her last weekend for a recommendation for a – Girls’ Night Out – feathering Curry. My suggestion was greeted as – dirty – and – there are no Curry Houses on the Southside. I suspect the misinformed lady meant: there are few places where she and her chosen company can drink copious Prosecco, order Chicken Korma /Tikka Masala, screech like banshees and ruin everyone else’s evening. I thought the Silly Season was last month?
Apart from not sounding like a misogynist, I have decided my resolution in 2018 is to review the five or so remaining Southside Curry Houses not visited yet, plus the single venue north of the river, and so complete the coverage of this fine city.
Prompted by the above nonsense, I consulted a well known and reliable Curry Blog and realised Albert Drive has not been visited in years. The much lauded Lahore Kebab House (196 Albert Dr, Glasgow, G41 2NH ) was well overdue a return visit.
Arriving @16.15 the three tables were empty. Mein Host was behind the counter on his phone. This gave me plenty of time to study the – Desi Dishes – on display.
It was as if the Lahore Kebab House has become stuck in time, the Dishes looked the same, and the prices have not changed either. Who has not put up their prices since 2014?
*
Mein Host stood opposite me on the other side of the counter. Having read the script from my first visit, I asked which was the Lamb Karahi (£7.50). I was told it was the corner tray nearest me. I had spotted the Kofta Anda also, I’ve been trying to track this down for months.
Can I have a Large Portion of Lamb Karahi and a Medium Kofta Karahi (£5.50) with a Soft Paratha (£1.80) ?
Initially I think Mein Host thought I was asking for the entire tray of Karahi. Having established I was sitting in, he assured me that a Portion of Lamb Karahi would be more than enough. I had to take the advice. When will Hector have his Kofta Anda?
Taking in the surroundings once again, absolutely nothing has changed at Lahore Kebab House. Three Chaps came in for Takeaways whilst I waited. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.
A Large oblong plate of Lamb Karahi was presented with a Modest Salad. The Paratha was brought by another Chap, a Chef?
The flatness of the plate meant I could see all instantly. Fourteen pieces of Meat, three of which were on-the-bone, a decent ratio. The now customary Ginger Strips and Fresh Coriander Leaves were complemented by Coriander Stems and slices of Large Green Chillies. This was quite a plateful, Mein Host was correct, I would have struggled to eat more than this.
The Paratha was served – Whole – and featured some layering. It was not – Flaky – as was hoped for. The Paratha appeared to have been made from Wholemeal Flour which does not lend itself to flaking.
The Salad was mostly Onions with some Cucumber and Tomato. A Herb had been sprinkled over some of the Onions, what was this? It was not Coriander or Methi, whatever, it was seriously Tasty.
As I tore into the Curry I realised that this was – Comfort Food. More Manchester Northern Quarter than my Recommended Southside Curry Houses. The Meat was Soft, Tender, but still required a good deal of chewing. Having sat in the Blended Masala, the Meat had acquired the Flavour, this was very enjoyable.
The Masala had a decent Spice Level, the Chillies gave momentary – Kicks. The Seasoning, ah the Seasoning. Chef had this absolutely right, and so the Full Flavour of the Meat and Masala emerged. The Coriander Stems added a bit of – Grittiness – to the Texture as did the Chillies and Ginger Strips. The Masala may have been a bit – Oily – for some, perhaps Rice may have been a better accompaniment for this Lamb Karahi? The plates were cold and so the food cooled quickly, next time I’ll ask for – Hot Plates.
Next Time
Already a cunning plan was forming in Hector’s mind. Mother would love this Lamb Karahi with Rice but the volume would defeat her. Next week I shall return and ask for this with Kofta Anda, sorted.
Mein Host came across to enquire as to my level of enjoyment. I had to ask about the Herb on the Onions.
Mint, nowhere around here does Salad like this…when I’m having dinner I must eat the Salad – he informed me.
The Bill
£9.30 The same as last time.
The Aftermath
I showed Mein Host the first review of Lahore Kebab House.
Is that me? – he asked. When did you take that?
August 2014.
It’s good to be precise.
I announced that I would be back with my Mother next week. In the era of fortnightly Curry with Mother, we have only had Curry on the Southside, so much for Fake News.
Here we go again, Day 3 of 4 with Lord Clive of 
On 
I went up to the counter to give the Order to a young Chap, a very young Chap. He was coping with the Telephone Orders, now for Hector. Withholding the Pineapple in the Dhansak was noted. Lamb Karahi without 
A plateful of Lamb and Potato was presented in a Blended, Reddish Masala. This was a Standard Curry resembling nothing that I have ever eaten at 
Nippy – was Mags’ overture.
One can tell immediately if a Karahi Gosht is going to impress, this most certainly did. The Masala-Meat Ratio was towards Dry, no Soup here, no 
The initial eating was tentative, everything was hotter than everything else. The Spice hit instantly, this was – Spicy. The Seasoning was right up there. The Masala was Tomato-rich, possibly Tomato-based. And the Flavour…. It is Hector’s turn to mention the 
Counting the Meat was impossible, there was simply too much to count. The Tender Lamb tasted as if it belonged to the Masala. No Bones, had this Karahi had Lamb on-the-bone it would have been off the scale. 
Behold a Yellow Masala with specks of Tomato and Herb. Had Chickpeas replaced the Pineapple? The Lentils, I conclude, must have been particularly – Large.
A Dhansak with a bite this, oh yes. 
How much Curry will Hector eat this week? With Lord Clive of 
Clive and Hector arrived early, Naveed commented on our punctuality. We decided to wait for our Fellow Diners rather than embark on the Starters early. At 15.00, Shahbaz was bringing out the Poppadoms, Dips, Spiced Onions and Salad. These were accompanied by four Hot Plates. It is January, 
Namkeen Karahi and Lamb Chops Achari with Methi – 
With Methi! – I exclaimed – Wonderful!
Something Happened
Clive’s phone rang, a call he had been waiting for. He will not be returning to work on Monday. As of this afternoon – Lord Clive of Crawley is Retired! This was now his – Retiral Dinner. What better place could there be? Today would be memorable, and not just for this being the #99 Review of 
Only Hector in this group had previously experienced the joy that is Lamb Chops Achari. With the Chops piled high in the Karahi then smothered in a Pickle and Methi-rich Masala, this was going to be some treat. Whilst completing the photographic ritual and updating my notes, Jim was ahead in the eating stakes. It took Jim a few moments to adjust to and then recognise – Pickle. The – Wow! – factor was there. The Chops were Tender, not the Tandoori Chops that many venues consider to be appropriate. Having taken three on my first sweep, it became evident that our quota was four each. Managing four Chops was not a problem but then one has to consider the Mass of Masala. The Hector Strategy was to use fingers, others used cutlery. The Chapatti for the Masala, the Chops eaten as they must be. My Dentist might be reading this. Care was taken, ah, the pile of Bones. All this and Methi too.
Jim and Alan had this last month for the first time, it was a no brainer that we would be having this again. Served on-the-bone to extract as much Flavour as possible from the most simple of Recipes, the Seasoning was at the top of the scale. Bones, Seasoning, Flavour, – The Curry Triumvirate – the antithesis of – Bland. 
Hector prefers to dine in Curry Cafes not Pukka Restaurants, Banana Leaf makes no attempt at being posh. The open kitchen reveals all, with everthing visible, the ambience is zero. Mein Host even commented on how cold it was inside. The banner from 2011 commemorating 
Two standard pots of Basmati were presented, Decent/
Kohzi Takkali Curry
Clive thoroughly enjoyed his Chicken Curry so there is little need for Hector to make further comment. Those who like that sort of thing, like that sort of thing. A Soupy Curry with the Chicken protruding, I conclude there was a decent Meat Portion here also. 
The Grunting Growler is across the street, irresistible. Mein Host there informed us that people regularly buy Draught Bier and take it across to Banana Leaf who have a BYOB policy.
Hector is not a great fan of Lunchtime Menus, if one is out for Curry then have – The Full Bhuna. However, the portion sizes at 
Hot plates were provided, the Rice arrived on an even hotter plate. Rather than decant, I placed the Rice Plate on top of the Dinner Plate and let Mother deal with the rest. The Quantity of Basamti was Ideal, who needs more than this?
This was a simple Curry with Blended Masala and four decent sized pieces of Meat. The Masala-Rice Ratio was not Excessive, the Lamb was Tender. Mother Kept prodding the Meat, I couldn’t fathom why. She was expecting Bones, one pays extra for Lamb on-the-bone at Lunchtime. 
*
I only recall having Keema at 
The Waiter was eager to ensure we would have our choices, Tender Lamb was not a problem. I liked the given description and so enquired about the Handi (£10.95), a Dish which can through experince, be anything the Chef designs. The Waiter was positive that this would meet my requirements. I thought Marg might go for an Interesting Korma, she had already decided upon the Nashilee (£10.95). A Chapatti (£1.00) for Marg and a Plain Paratha (£2.50) completed the Order. 
Two long tables were set adjacent to where we sat, the corresponding groups arrived and the complex task of taking their Order got underway. This would give me the Opperchancity to see many more Dishes later in our visit. The arrival of our Order was heralded by the Mature Waiter uttering his distinctive mantra:
Marg’s Karahi appeared to be filled with an interesting mix of Meat and Fruit, featuring large pieces of Mango with Tomatoes and a Fresh Coriander Garnish. The Masala was pleasingly Thick and certainly not Excessive. 
A bit chewy, the Lamb – was an early comment. 
Once more the blended Masala was pleasingly – Thick. The Heat of the Karahi was established accidentally, ouch, the contents were also – Hot! The Meat was plentiful, I counted ten Large cut pieces, none were as – chewy – as Marg had implied in the Nashilee. Sadly, it was most evident that Meat and Masala were strangers until moments before presentation; the Meat was giving off no sense of Spice whatsoever. As I ate I waited for the Masala Spice to kick in, this never happened. This Curry was in no way demanding. The Ginger Strips and discrete Larger Pieces of Onion in the Masala offered a slight diversity in Texture. There was an underlying Fruity Flavour giving a slight Sweetness, this was in no way – Strong. 
My choice of venue for the first Glasgow Curry of 2018 cannot be a surprise, however, the choice of Curry-Heute may be. When Hector visits 
Arriving at 14.40, Shahbaz was manning the ship, he talked me through my options. One always hopes that the 
The Vegetable Rice was piled high on the plate. Peas, Cauliflower and Mushrooms featured in this Melange. Tasty in its own right, I reckoned I would manage this, just. 
I made space in the centre of the Rice and started decanting the Lamb and Chickpeas. Sliced Green Chillies were also in the Shorva, this was a significantly different Curry for Hector at 
This was closer to a Northern Quarter (
The Chickpeas were even more numerous than first realised, I had to accept that Part 2 was Chickpea on Vegetable Rice, I had no problems with this, – Large Lentils – is what they looked like. Was I actually having a Daal Gosht variant? I had come in the hope of finding Something Different, mission accomplished.
The Shorva had long been absorbed by the Vegetable Rice, for the endgame I was engaging in effect with a Moist Biryani, Very Pleasant, I knew I would finish this perfect combination, then Naveed sneaked up behind me…
Here I go again, eating to my limit at 
For the first UK Curry of 2018, Hector is in Manchester. Manchester Airport may not be the most gemutlich of departure points, however, the ease of access from Scotland coupled with very attractive ‘plane and train fares make it worthy. The City of Manchester in its own right has featured increasingly in Curry-Heute since my first visit to the Manchester Beer Festival back in 2010.
Marg fancied a Wrap for a change. Peri Peri Chicken (£3.80) was her brave sounding selection. Rio Tropical (£0.90) was Marg’s choice of Drink, as Sparkling Water was not available, Tap Water for Hector.
To Hector, this looked very – peely wally – and nothing like as intense as say Nando’s. 
Three plastic containers were lined up before me, Bread was clearly not present. I had time to take a photo before further engagement.
The Food was visibly – Hot – so Complaint #1 averted. 
I dipped a piece of Paratha into the Delhi Achari Lamb, a Decent Kick and a worthy Level of Seasoning were the first positives of this evening’s visit for Hector. I had to remind myself that – Pickle – was part of this Curry. There was a semblance of Achari, little more initially. Marg amused herself by Dipping in too.
My last Paratha
Here was a Thicker but still Blended Masala. The Spice Level did register, the Seasoning was woefully lacking. An Earthy Flavour at best is all that was attained. 
With all customers served, Our Chap came over to enquire about how I was finding the meal. I had to ask how the Bombay Aloo could be so different from my last visit. He asked when I was last here – 
Hector will be back at 
Last night some of The Company ended up at Cafe Schiller – The Sports’ Bar – next door to Lahori Hajweri (3a Schillerstrasse, München). Had the Curry House still been open Hector would have had his first Curry of 2018 recorded on January 1st, alas, it had to wait a few more hours. Still, I managed some well illuminated exterior photos. 
It looked Wonderful. As suitably Viscous Masala shrouded the pieces of Fish. What Fish? Masala Fish! For once, the Quantity of Rice was Sensible, I decanted all to my plate. Then it was time to take the Fish, six pieces, nowhere near enough. I would happily have paid more for a Larger Portion. 
There was more Masala than Fish, but what a Masala. The Seasoning was way better than that served in the 
The Bill
The Company are in 
For our entertainment this afternoon we were treated to the Musik I associate with being called to prayer. Dirge-like, it did go on a bit. It was a change from the too lively Bollywood stuff that can be annoying. Lahori Hajweri make it clear they are a Pakistani-Indian Restaurant.
Both of Marg’s Starters arrived with Modest Salads. The Pakora was Small, six pieces only. The Green Dip took Marg by surprise. Expecting – Mint – she went for it – Too Spicy! What was presumably – Mango – was much more to Marg’s taste, Sweet. 
Nothing Special – was Marg’s verdict on the Fisch Pakora. 
Who has ever heard of Keema Fish? This Curry resembled the Brains Curry I have been served at the 
The Curry was enjoyable without setting the heather on fire. At least I had found a suitably Dry Curry and avoided the Soupy nonsense that too many venues over here dish out. 
There had to be a photo with Mein Host.
And so to Cafe Piemonte for Kaffee und Kuchen, closed, oops. 
