Royal Punjab (Venloer Str. 4, 50672 Köln) have two branches in the Köln area, one is towards Leverkusen, the other in the city at Friesenplatz. The U5 takes one efficiently from Rathaus to Friesenplatz at which point one has to work out from which hole in the ground one has emerged.
Having spent recent years concentrating on the Düsseldorf Curry Scene, it came as quite a surprise to note how many new Curry Houses have sprung up in Köln. Today’s venue was chosen for a very simple reason, – Punjab – was in the title.
The online Menu shows the full range of Dishes one might come to expect. With two pages allocated to Lamb Curry then Keema in a separate section, there is much to choose from. Lamm Methi (€12.90) was bypassed, an Aloo Methi (€9.50) also, Hector was having Fish.
Hector was the first customer of the day arriving at 11.40. Royal Punjab opens every day at 11.30 except noon on Sundays. It is a feature of Köln Curry Houses that they open at Lunchtime, and despite Google Maps suggesting they provide late night food, they do not. Royal Punjab claims to be open for the full twelve hours.
I was given a choice of tables, one near the counter and facing the action sufficed. A Lunchtime Buffet was an option, available until 16.00. I asked for the Menu and retained it after I had ordered so as to complete records.
Mein Host was reluctant to speak in English, still I suspect his English was better than my Deutsch.
Fisch Kalkata (€13.50) – Fisch mit Auberginen, Kartoffeln in einer Masalasauce – had the much sought after – Interesting Vegetables. I verified that Paprika was not an ingredient then went into full Hector mode:
Ich mochte ein Trockene und Dicke Curry mit Minimal Sos.
This appeared to be an acceptable request.
Mittelscharf und Hohe – was the final qualification.
As is the European norm, this came with either Rice or Bread, I chose Basmati.
At my leisure I noted the three Levels of Spice available for every Main Course:
Leicht Scharf – Gut Scharf – Sehr Scharf.
One can only establish how the Spice Scale in any German-Indian Restaurant operates by empirical means. Very few venues will serve a Truly Spicy Curry.
A 0.2l glass of Sparkling Water (€1.70) was poured from a Large Bottle, sneaky. This was comparable to the price of the Bottled Bier on sale unlike yesterday at Indian Masala Curry House where the Bier was actually cheaper.
I had time to take in my surroundings, a sizeable venue with flexible seating, the surroundings were not OTT in terms of – This is an Indian Restaurant. The array of ornaments on the shelf beside me did amuse. Does seeing these make the Curry taste more authentic?
Fish cooks quickly, the wait was little more than ten minutes. I began my photographic ritual. The Rice was more than I could eat, the wastage would not be as much as in many Euro-venues.
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Fisch Kalkata
The consistency of the Masala had me won in an instant, this looked – Gloopy. Fisch Shorba had been avoided.
Topped with Ginger Strips and some Fresh Coriander, how often have I written this? A Curry without this Garnish has become the exception. Let’s have even more Coriander.
The Solids were decanted, I could not tell how much Fish there was due to it being indistinguishable from the Potato. There was certainly enough here to justify the price. The Masala was Thick, Onion Seeds were mixed through. My guess was – Onion Seeds – based on the descriptions of other Dishes in the Menu.
The Kick was there – Spice! The Seasoning was Perfection. This was going to be good.
The Fish was in Large Pieces, there was a firmness which I liked, not the Soft Flakes which I had for example recently at Kashmir (Bradford). The similarly sized Potato was equal to it. I am used to Potato in Curry, Eggplant is something else. This was cooked to a Mush as is the nature of the Vegetable. I did note that it was full of Flavour having absorbed from the Masala in the way that say – Chicken – does not.
Oil collected on the base of the karahi beside the remnants. These were soon relocated.
Mein Host sat at his table facing me. I gave the thumbs up:
This is a very good Curry – I said in English.
He asked where I was from. Everyone is happy to encounter a Scot.
At 12.10 two more Diners entered, followed quickly by another four and then some more again. They were all here for the Buffet. I have seen food piled high on plates, there was no holding these people back, they knew exactly what they were doing. At €8.50 for a Large Plate they were most certainly being fed at an excellent price. I was determined to study the Buffet on my departure.
The Bill
€15.20 (£13.52) An Honourable Price which matches my favourite venues back home.
The Aftermath
The Calling Card was given and the Website shown. This earned an – Also!
I said I would be back in four weeks.
When I saw the Buffet it was the Keema which stood out, the rest was as one might expect, Soupy Curry. One could do damage to their Buffet Keema, then I thought, next time:
Keema Aloo Mutter Methi, Gut Scharf
This is surely within their capabilities? But then I won’t get another Splendid Fish Curry.
Hector, Marg and Howard saw Anathema perform in Glasgow on what was the second night of The Optimist Tour in September this year. With everything ready The Roadie appeared to fuck up big style and – Suddenly – Vincent Cavanagh’s pedal set-up had to be re-wired. The result was a lost half hour of music given the curfew at The Garage. Still, they played an excellent set with coverage of the best of recent albums. 
Prior to the announcement of the UK Tour, Hector had purchased a ticket for this evening’s concert at the Live Music Hall (Köln-Ehrenfeld) with Alcest in support. Having purchased the current Alcest album – Kodama – days before the Glasgow gig there was enough familiarity to confirm an interest in their brand of Heavy Rock. Unfortunately we only caught the last ten minutes of their set. 
Anathema’s taped intro began at 21.00, as each member took their spot, so the Electronica increased the suspense. Danny Cavanagh was last on stage, sporting the now familiar headphones, it was straight into four songs from 2017’s – The Optimist: 
The Drummer was the band member who we could see most clearly, anyone could have been on Bass. Yes, the photos are crap.
Suddenly… the gig was over, in just under two hours. Was Part 2 the Encore? Do bands really only perform extra songs in Glasgow? 
The Lady of the House greeted me on entry, it is always good to be recognised. I took my choice of table in the empty room, a Young Waitress brought the Menu. Having studied a well known and reliable Curry Website I was planning once more to revisit the Lamm Vindaloo (€9.00) with – Hector Tweaks. The Lamm Limone (€9.50) suddenly felt like a good idea. Having secured my 0.2l Bottle of Gerolsteiner (€2.00) I was ready to order. 
Lamm Limone – keine Paprika aber mit Methi.
Counting the Lamb, I reached eight, this was enough, the sizes were decent. The Masala was not excessive in ratio to the Meat and Rice, enough to mix in. The Spice was below – Medium – I had not specified a Level. The Seasoning was Perfect, perhaps it this feature which keeps me coming back? There was a subtle Citrus Tang, however, I was missing the requested Methi. 
There are some dates in the calendar which will never be forgotten, this has become one.
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A Mountain of Basmati was already on what would become my plate when Rizwan announced:
Steve was well ahead of me by the time I completed the ritual photos and note-taking. 
The Faither – of – The Company. There are no words to describe our loss.
Six visits in six years makes Hector almost a Regular at the 
A Methi and Spinach Dish was advertised on the board outside, this was enough to focus the mind, – Vegetable Curry – if I can eat Fruit early in the day, I can surely manage this. Sabji Curry (€6.90) with inclusive Rice and a piece of Poppadom was ordered, plus a Coke (€2.00). For the sake of consistency I shall post the next bit:-
Steve and James were next up: Steve went for Mutton Curry (€8.90), James ordered Butter Chicken (€7.90) and a Garlic Naan (€2.20). We took our seats, the Chap beside us was presented with a Mutton Vindaloo, a Curry which Steve described last year as – Challenging. The Curry served at this venue is not for the faint of heart. 
The Masala was near-Shorva, not excessive, and Medium Spiced. An excess of Seasoning has been the recurring issue on my visits here, this was within acceptable parameters. The Quantity was immense, I would be last finished partly for reasons described above. Carrots, Peas, Potato, Green Beans, Cauliflower and Ginger Strips all featured. This is the Curry I am most likely to have again if our custom of visiting this early in the day maintains. 
I have seen Curry with five pieces of Meat and then some. This was Magnificent, was I glad I had not ordered Lamb this morning? I could not have done it justice. The Masala was decidedly different from the Vegetable equivalent, a healthy hue of – Brown. 
Could do with being warmer – was an early statement made by Steve. 
With a Masala tending towards Red, this was less Creamy than I have encountered. The Garlic Naan was a manageable size for one, well fired, and served – Whole.
Steve decided to have a Starter, Spinach Potato Pakora (£2.80) followed by Classic Lamb Apna Style (£8.30), a Keema Naan (£2.70) would accompany. I heard him ask for – 
I had decided in advance, for research purposes, to have Fish Karahi (£7.70) also in the – Apna (Desi) style. I was about to approach the counter when Marg phoned, this put me a few minutes behind. Having enjoyed my 
Paratha (£3.20): Fish, Mince and Potatoes, a first.
As expected, Steve’s Pakora arrived first, but only seconds before his Mains. He was given a choice of Sauce to cover his Pakora, four large pieces. The Pakora looked Freshly Cooked, not Double Cooked which sadly prevails. 
Phwoar! – was Steve’s exclamation as soon as he dipped some Naan into his Masala.
Delicious, bursting with Flavour. A balance of Tender Meat and Spices, just right.
A Side of Potato is what I had in mind originally, I ended up with what appeared to be a Potato Curry, full portion. With the Keema Paratha, a Feast lay before me. The Paratha was inspected before commencing, again it had separate Mince Grains. Initially it was Excellent, then suddenly it was not. There was a taste I did not like, as if – Off. Half of the Paratha was left, Hector was taking no chances. 
I had been assured there was no Capsicum in this Dish, either in the Blend or stirred in. No Green Chillies topping this Dish, just Ginger Strips and Fresh Coriander. The Fish Flavour hit the palate, an instant – Wow! Having eaten here twice previously and been impressed by their Lamb Curry variants, I had hoped the Pedigree would be there to have Fish. The Fish was Soft, sufficient in Quantity, a delight. Once could see the Quality of the Blended Masala, so Rich, Viscous. Had it been blended then more solids added? One cannot hold – Soup -in a fork, this Masala impressed. The Spice, the Seasoning, the Spice Flavours all impressed. Hector has found a venue serving a worthy Fish Karahi in Manchester.
The Masala looked no different from my Companion Dish yet the taste was totally different. Given the Quantity I invited Steve to partake, Hector shared… 
James stayed safe, again, and ordered Butter Chicken (€13.90). Hector had already decided to order the Dish which has impressed in recent years and transformed my attitude towards this venue. Lamm Karahi (€13.90) has the attraction of including an array of Interesting Vegetables. As always in Deutschland, I would ask for – 
We had hoped to catch a Bus @13.20 to Dörfleins to meet up with The Man from Bradford, by 12.55 there was an acceptance that we would be late. Mein Host had half recognised Hector, he remarked that at Lunchtime they are busy. At 13.00 Basmati for three was placed on the table. I concluded that having ordered a la carte, our Curry had been properly prepared. 
It is what it is and no doubt satisfies those who order this sort of thing. All Hector ever sees when this Curry is ordered is Tomato Soup, possibly Spicy. 
As soon as Steve had decanted his Curry he remarked that he too should have asked for Capsicum to be excluded. The 
Thicker than Shorva and with a hint of Creaminess, the Masala was hardly contemporary, but to describe Swarg as even approaching Mainstream is a compliment compared to 
In the early days of Curry-Heute, 
The Onion-rich Masala was as Thick as a Masala can be. The Spice and Seasoning were at a good level, Ginger Strips were aplenty. This was a very Flavoursome Curry, quite distinctive too. The Meat was eaten carefully, very Tender Lamb, this Curry needed more Meat or an accompanying Vegetable. Still, this was way above the average German Curry.
The Menu also had an extensive Fish range, including Fish Keema Karahi (€8.90). This will have to be explored, next month perhaps. 
A complimentary glass of Indian Tea was brought with Sugar thankfully on the side. Tasty.
After a rather lengthy and tiresome journey down from Buttenheim this afternoon, Dr. Stan and James – making a first appearance on Curry-Heute – accompanied Hector to 
The Aroma of Spice at 
Lamm Chettinad
Deciding that Fish Curry would be more acceptable past its peak of heat, I started with the Lamb. The Meat count was into double figures, tender Lamb, giving Flavour rather than taking. The Minimal Masala Mash is unique to 
Fisch Chettinad
The first intake of Fish was remarkable, I gasped. Exactly the same Masala yet this Dish is markedly different. The Fish offers another dimension. 
Good Fish – remarked Dr. Stan.
Chicken Badam Pasanda
This was a first, an interesting mix of Lentils and Spinach. It looked Thicker than the standard Tarka Daal. Dr. Stan had this on his plate with his two portions of Rice and the Fisch Chettinad. He also ate very well today.
On my return from the recent Italia/Yorkshire Trip, people were keen to tell me that 
The Village
Four Large pieces of Lamb sat in a Thin Masala. With the Rice occupying half of the plate, this was very much – Lunchtime Menu Curry. Each piece of Meat was halved or more. If it took Mother an age to eat two pieces of Pakora, the now numerous pieces of Meat took a very long time. Hector was well finished by the time Mother stopped eating. Satisfaction was evident:
For Hector, this has always been 
The statutory eight pieces of Meat were decanted to the plate of Peas Pilao. I could appreciate immediately that this Masala was much Thicker than that across the table. Almonds topping the Masala added further Diversity. 
The Meat had to be halved, a Sensible Portion was now perceived. The right amount of chewing was required for the Tender Lamb. Notes on the Seasoning were very much an afterthought, conclusion, it was – spot on. 
The remaining Masala was poured over the final pieces of Meat and Rice. It was all over too soon. Next time I should order this by the Half-Kilo. 
When I returned to the table Pamela was busy writing a Recipe for a Beef Casserole. How she and Mother ended up here remains a mystery. Cranberries, Red Wine and Shallots, bring it on. But it’s not Curry!