A Blue Monday indeed, every time that Woman opens her mouth, the value of the – Pound in my pocket – plummets. Having paid over the odds for Curry in the Czech Republic last week, it’s back to Sterling. The next few Curry-Heute reviews will be from Blighty.
It is the day to take Mother shopping. The deed done, Hector headed towards the original core of Desi Curry in Pollokshields. Cafe Serena (328-340 Maxwell Road, Pollokshields, Glasgow, G41 1PJ) was chosen as today’s venue. Decent Curry has been enjoyed here over the years, this was possibly the first Glasgow Curry Cafe to bring the decor and facilities up to the standards now demanded.
Arriving before 14.00, the place was empty. A couple of Takeaway Customers was all that would be seen during our time here. The same Chap as always was in situ. If Hector was recognised, nothing was being given away, however, the welcome was friendly, especially to – the Mother.
A heater was switched on adjacent to our table, it was winter last visit, same story. The laminated A3 menu was already on the table, prices have not changed in the last five years. Tourists and locals should be flocking here.
Hector’s choice today was simple, a repeat of the Kofta that impressed last time. I called over to check that Kofta was available and was advised that fifteen minutes would be required. Not a problem. Mother is easy to please but I managed to convince her to let me vary her order, slightly.
Koftae Karahi (£7.50) and Chapatti (70p) plus Lamb Bhuna (£6.00) with Boiled Rice (£1.75), this is Cheaper than Prague! Mein Host verified the required Spice Levels, and that the Boiled Egg outlined on the Menu should accompany the Kofta.
The wait was as described, a Modest Salad and Raita were assembled but not presented until the Mains
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Lamb Bhuna
As ever, Mother touched the plate of Boiled Rice to test its temperature, no comment. The Quantity was more than The Mother of Hector would manage, but as her Main would never be finished, a Takeaway was already in the bag. The Lamb Bhuna had the anticipated Thick Masala, the presence of Tomato cooked in was a welcome bonus. The Meat had the columnar, fibrous texture which restaurateurs have assured me – is Lamb. Mother was set.
Koftae Karahi
The Boiled Egg on the Koftae Karahi stood out, the Masala looked identical to the Bhuna but markedly different from that served last time. The folded Chapatti was a good size, had girth, like the Egg, one would be enough.
Scooping the Onion-rich Masala with a piece of Chapatti, the Seasoning and Spice Level instantly impressed. There was an almost Gritty Texture to the Masala such was the way the Onion had been cut. The Meatballs were well buried in the Masala, eventually it was time. When I spotted a – skewer hole – in the midst of one piece of Meat I realised that I did not have a Meatball per se, but a Kebap, a Seekh Kebab. There cannot be a huge difference, if any, in the respective preparation. Breaking up the hard boiled Egg added Diversity. There was a momentary Citrus Blast, Herbs came through, Methi I believe. The Overall Flavour was – Very Pleasing – but still at Cafe Serena, Hector has yet to experience the – Wow.
Mother was impressed by her Lamb Bhuna from the start. Delicious – was stated instantly. When Mein Host came over to make the – customary check – Mother added further positive feedback:
I love my Curry.
To what extent this was intended specifically for today was not established.
The Bill
£16.95. No frills, just two competent meals at an affordable price.
The Aftermath
Hector had to ask about the skewered Kofta.
Mein Host admitted they had used Seekh Kebabs, the same thing in effect. His explanation was that Meatballs (round) would be fried, Kebabs are grilled giving a better Flavour.
Paratha Bramborava (75Kc) had to be Aloo Paratha, I had to have one just so as I could ask for this. Steve would have a Paratha Tradicini (55Kc), no need to translate this.
Mein Host was keen to take us through the translations of the various Solids to go in the Masala. Jehneci is Lamb, note to self for future visits to Praha. For The Hector, Jehneci Bhuna (235Kc) without Paprikou, for Steve – Jehneci Madras (225Kc).
The Soup came in a Bucket. After a quick taste, Steve added a mass of Salt, naughty boy. It must have needed it. Too thin – it has Cumin Seeds. It’s as if they have just been chucked in …. the Soup needs more cooking to infuse and reduce it. The Garlic tastes raw.
The Chilli Drizzled plates with Garnish were set before us. Steve’s Lamb Madras was first to be served, followed quickly by the Lamb Bhuna. We had time to take in the Rich, Deep Colour of the Masala. Behold the Parathas! The Aloo Paratha was served – Quartered, always annoying. The Plain Paratha was Spectacular. The Layers and Flakiness were apparent, Steve highlighted the Swirl in the Paratha. This was a Perfect Paratha.
I had to ask if Steve was experiencing the same – Levels of Pleasure. The reply was a confirmation. The Lamb had been Marinaded, in Vinegar, I theorised later as we walked up to the Metro station. Great preparation had gone into this, then as the Hector Palate adjusted to the fact this Lamb was giving and not taking, a Blast of Lamb Flavour itself. This was Wonderful, this is how All Curry should be and so rarely is. This Curry had the Wow!
Did I mention Steve had Eight pieces of Meat? The Lamb Madras was Meat and Masala which I try to avoid, this is Steve’s preference.
How often does Hector order Dessert? We were in a truly Happy Place, why not savour the moment?
A Bottle of Wine was brought to the table to take away. This had to be declined due to the restrictions of hand luggage. Shots were then offered, and accepted.
A Hot and Spicy Shot, a first. Two shots were poured leaving enough in the Pot for a third. Chilli and Malibu was our guess.
By this time, Ricky and Stewart had already ordered the Soup (35Kc) from the Lunchtime Menu. They would have Chicken Madras (140Kc) also. Steve and Hector ordered a la carte. Lamb Madras (245Kc) and a Paratha (65Kc) for Steve, Hector felt the need to try something different. I had the 
The Soup arrived quickly and was well received by both participants. Ricky remarked that one does not often see Soup available. There’s all sorts of stuff in here – fennel – was Stewart’s observation. So far so good.
Steve and Hector were sentenced to watching The Chaps eat their Main Course a good while before our Dishes arrived. The Chicken Madras was everything The Rickmeister would avoid at home, it too was – Soup. The verdict was decidedly positive. Physically hot – was Stewart’s immediate contribution.
At first glimpse, the Naan looked decidedly – Plain – however, Cumin Seeds were embedded. The Chaps from Yorkshire were well impressed by the Lunchtime Menu.
Real spices – this is good – said Steve. He was also impressed by the Paratha which was presented in an interesting manner but appeared to lack Layering and Flakiness.
Ricky wondered if I would ever get started on my Lamb Rezela such was the extent of note taking. The Rice looked Massive, half was decanted to the plate. As I spooned on the Yogurt-laden Masala I thought I could smell Coconut. If there was any, it was Minimal, though the Masala did have an underlying Sweetness. Eight good sized pieces of Tender Lamb were somewhat lost in the Melange of Rice and Masala. One may have to admit that this style of Curry is probably better with Chicken. The Lamb gave off no Spice or any Flavour which disappointed, it may as well have been Chicken. Mild to start, the Spice did come through eventually as did the full Aromatic Flavour. Four very pale Cardamom Seeds were encountered. Onions were mixed through the Rice along with Mushrooms, the rest was moved to the plate and smothered with the remaining Masala. It took a while, but all was consumed. I indeed had found Something Different.
The Bill
Marg chose Chana Aloo (£4.50) to accompany her usual Lemon and Cashew Nut Rice (£2.25) and Butter Chicken (£5.75). I found the Chickpea-Potato to be a strange choice for Marg, what was she expecting?
After an acceptable wait, the various components of the Order came over. The Butter Chicken was topped with Walnuts. For those who like that sort of thing, this Dish is it, yet Marg was not happy.
Marg had spread some of the Rice on her plate and then the Butter Chicken. Due to her ongoing dental problem, she had to cut up the Meat to a manageable size. Praise for the Quantity of Chicken was her last favourable comment. She lost the Masala in the Rice, yet she had decanted less than half. With nothing coming from the Aloo Chana she had created a – Dog’s Breakfast.
The Lamb Karahi had arrived a good time before the Machi Masala and so was addressed first. 
The Machi Masala rejuvenated the outing. There appeared to be much more Fish than there was Lamb in the Karahi. The Masala was indistinguishable from the Karahi, however, the Fish aided the Seasoning, Significantly. With a Citrus Blast, Ginger Strips and the Fish itself, there was a great array of flavours. The Spice Level felt higher too. Here was satisfaction.
Mein Host had been made aware of the Capsicum Hiatus. The pile of Red Peppers was highly visible on the bare plate. Hector was offered more Lamb Karahi – without. I declared that I was now full. Here was the Turning Point. Mein Host announced he would supply me with Lamb Karahi to take away. He offered Rice too. I said we already were taking Rice away. The Rice became a Naan. Thank you very much.
Omelettes, Fish Cakes, Bangers and Mash were on offer. Craig admitted that had he not been in a Curry House, he would have been tempted. Curry is the only thing Yvonne has managed to eat and enjoy in recent days, she was up for it. Last time Marg had a – Wrap – this time, Hector was determined to find a Curry to suit her Lunchtime needs.
Meat Makhani (£5.95) – I suggested to Marg. Hopefully, – Creamy – would entice. Marg accepted this, I decided to try the Makhani as – Something Different. With Extra Chillies and a Coriander Topping this should give the Dish the required boost. Craig and Yvonne were less adventurous and would have once more the Chicken Bhuna (£4.95) that impressed on 
Yvonne remarked on the number of Ladies who kept emerging from the Kitchen. Sarina – herself – presented and placed a Soupçon on the table. This was a Sample of Lamb on-the-bone which she had just finished cooking. This was for The Hector to sample, I did. Gosh! The Lamb was still a bit on the Chewy side, the Flavour was – Something Else – Cloves were in there, is The Bradford Secret? I was having this. The second piece of Meat was mostly Bone so went untouched until Hector took care of it. The others tasted the Sauce which was on the small plate. All were impressed. It was agreed that my order would change to Lamb on-the-bone. Was I still having this as Makhani? Suspense.
Two Portions of Chicken Bhuna arrived, the Spicier version went to Yvonne. She took about half of the Rice. As with 
One Portion of Meat Makhani was presented, for Marg. Given that the Portions are very much – Lunchtime – they are somewhere between Tapas and a Main, Hector briefly considered ordering this too. However, Hector had another plan for this evening?
What came was Lamb on-the-bone, as ordered. Dipping a Chapatti in the Masala beside the Meat there was an immediate – Splash. One polo shirt stained. I decided it would be better to decant the contents of the Dish on to the plate. Now I could see the Perfectly Minimal Bradford Masala.
The Lamb was considerably less chewy than that which had been presented moments before. The Etiquette of Chapatti in hand was maintained, Meaty Bone alone when required, forget the formalities, just get stuck in and enjoy. I did, this was a Truly Immense Creation, one of the Finest Curry Experiences, Ever!
Should I have ordered another Portion? Craig would have easily been persuaded to have more Bhuna. No, tonight in Huddersfield, 
I asked Sarina what she would like her creation to be officially called, we agreed on:
The Fish Pakora came first, not unexpectedly. Seven Decent-sized Pieces of Fish. Marg noted they were not in Batter, well, a Thin Batter. This was more like Fish Tikka. A Steel Tray with a Modest Salad and Dips accompanied, this turned the Near-naked Fish into a Meal. Normally, Hector would have taken a Sample, not tonight, something wicked this way comes.
The Flat Karahi are a feature of this region, one can see instantly what there is. There was no need to count the pieces of tender Lamb, there was Loads, – Large – indeed. Behold the Lamb Karahi, surely the Voyeur will appreciate the Splendour of what is shown here?
The Hector Scale of Seasoning and Spice has been perfected. This was the Second Wonderful Curry of the day, the Ingredients may be similar, the outcomes so different. Somehow, in this part of Yorkshire, Here lies the Joy of Curry, and the reason that Hector is able to apparently eat the same Food so often. The Masala was so Rich in Flavour and in the correct ratio to the Meat content. As the Oil collected around the edges of the karahi so I felt totally at home. This is the Food I seek, and I find it in Bradford and its South and West Hinterland.
The Meat and Masala across the line started to diminish. Having finished the Fish Pakora, Marg was getting stuck in to the Karahi. My Saturday Lunch! Both appetites sated, there was still a Substantial Portion to take away.
Three Chaps walked in to the empty Restaurant in front of me, there was a wait whilst they sorted themselves. Tea? Oh well. The Lamb Karahi (£5.50) served in the Northern Quarter Curry Cafes bears little resemblance to that served in the Glasgow or Bradford equivalent. The Masala is more plentiful, the style towards Shorva. There must be an attraction. A Chapatti (70p) completed the order. Just one? – asked the Chap who served. This was all the interaction, I am not so well known here. The Ritual Photos should have brought some air of recognition.
The Chap who brings – The Curry – did so as soon as the first three Chaps received theirs. I took my plate back up to the counter where Freshly Chopped Coriander and Green Chillies were located. Careful with the Chillies, Carefree with the Coriander, I took my seat once more. Oh yes.
The last traces of Masala were mopped up, Satisfaction was achieved. Where’s Marg?
The Replacement Samsung revealed the Locus of nearby Curry Houses, one name stood out. 
The Lamb Handi was asked for – without Capsicum. The New Waiter assured me that none should be there but recorded the request anyway. Above Medium Spice – was requested, along with a Garlic and Coriander Nan (£2.90). The prices here appear to be the same as the 
A Piping Hot Curry was presented along with a Quartered Naan. The Kulcha Naan at Rusholme 
The Spice Level was reaching that associated with – Vindaloo – on Hector’s Palate, this would be a Test, a Curry to treat with Respect. Tick the box for the all important Seasoning Level, this Curry was impressing The Hector.
This Lamb Handi reminded me of my favoured – Meat Bhuna Vindaloo – ordered so regularly in Glasgow’s Southside back in the 1970s. If this Curry was a Trial, then The Hector was Guilty – Guilty of enjoying this Very Spicy Food.
It has been brought to Hector’s notice that the Curry House Chaps of Bradford have been enquiring as to my whereabouts of late. Why is it before I retired I was in The Curry Capital more frequently? This had to be rectified, today.
Our Rendezvous with The Man from Bradford, aka – The Rickmeister – was at 13.00. That the chosen venue was the Sheesh Mahal (6 St. Thomas’ Rd, Bradford, BD1 2RW) was never contested. Sadly we were delayed by an hour due to a rather nasty RTA on the M1 at Meadowhall. Ricky was collected from his Castle, Marg gave up the front seat, Craig and Yvonne had to breath in. The Passat felt more sluggish suddenly trying to cope with the Hills of Bradford.
Starters were the last thing I had in mind today, just bring me the Bradford Curry. However, when Craig announced he was having Seekh Kebabs (£2.70), there had to be Lamb Chops (£4.90). It has been a while, it appears – The Appetite – has returned.
Five Lamb Chops for £4.90. The Chops were Substantial. Served on a Sizzling Iron Platter with a Bed of Onions, this was the Perfect way to kick off 2017. Suddenly I was down to Four Chops, Marg felt an entitlement. During this, the photo opperchancity for the Seekh Kebab escaped. The Spice was Magnificent, the Seasoning even more-so. One could be tempted to come here and just dine on Lamb Chops ad nauseam. Lamb Chops Tikka Balti (£9.50) will have to be tried, maybe next month.
Mince, Peas, and Potatoes, Marg’s Favourite Dinner, with or without that which turns it into Curry.
Yvonne has not eaten much in the last few days due to an – ongoing lurgy – hence her quote:
The Spinach and Lentils were well within the mix, a Dish Hector will have to try. Ricky has probably been round the entire Menu at 
The name suggests an Afghanistan influence, a feature which made The Hector take special note. However, Chicken and Chickpeas do not float Hector’s Boat. Craig had other thoughts. If his Seekh Kebab impressed, this Balti raised his Level of Satisfaction to further heights. Craig was giving almost a running commentary on the extent to which he was enjoying being at 
The Bradford Taste was in Hector’s face from the off, this is why I come here, such a unique experience. Two features of this Curry spoiled Hector’s day. The Lamb Balti was lacking in Seasoning, significantly. This was almost enough to spoil this Dish, the second criticism nearly pushed Hector over the edge. Capsicum, since when did Sheesh Mahal Chefs add this Ballast? The
Marg and Hector managed only three of the six Chapattis which were served. Ricky advised Craig and Yvonne they should eat the centre of their Rotis, as the edges would crisp, they did. Some venues do not differentiate between Chapattis and Rotis and try to pass them off as the same thing. They are not, IMHO, Chapattis win every time.
Now to ensure that the Karahi would be served as expected of a Desi. I asked the Waiter if Capsicum would be present, he said they were in the Sauce. I was then asked if I was allergic to Capsicum – only in terms of how angry the presence of this Ballast makes me. No Capsicum – was noted.
The – Foreword – in the Menu makes it clear that Kebabish Grill is an Independent Operation and is therefore not associated with the Chain of similar name. They also claim to have the largest open grill in Scotland. One has to pass the preparation area at the door, it would be good to be able to hang around here and watch The Chaps in action. Our Waiter presented two Dips and a Salad, Olives! I wondered how I had ended up with Olives last time here. Marg and I devoured the Olives, Mother swiped the Lemon Slice, the Dips remained untouched.
The Desi Karahi Gosht looked Spectacular and was reminiscent of that served at 
The Lamb Curry was a Classic – Meat served in a Thin-ish Masala. This is what The Mother of Hector served from the early 1960s, what I was raised on. The Boiled Rice was enough for two, Mother scraped off the top, leaving still enough for two. Perhaps I need to find a venue which serves Pensioners’ Portions, only half of the Lamb Curry was consumed, too much for an Octogenarian, or did Mother have a cunning plan? I helped myself to a piece of Meat, by now both Marg and Mother had commented favourably on the tenderness of the Lamb. Tender indeed, however, the Lamb Curry was not Complex enough for Hector’s Palate. Still, Mother was in raptures:
The Lamb Muglia (Mughlai) Masala was topped with a layer of almonds. Beneath was a most acceptably Dry Masala. Once more, Marg had a Mountain of what looked like Brown Rice, it wasn’t. Observing my notes, she disagreed that she had – hardly touched it – we agree that half was left, enough for two then. And so the lesson has been learned, at Kebabish Grill, share a Rice. No Sample came my way, we have to accept Marg’s verdict:
Ten minutes over the allotted ninety in the car park, just how pernickety are the administrators? Just ‘cos they have power doesn’t mean they have the right. The New Year may get off to a bad start.