There is one thing normal about a Holden Tour, we don’t all arrive at the same place by the same means of transport, at the same time, and we absolutely never all end up in a Curry House. The Rickmeister disappeared off to see Bradford FC, Three of the New Karahi Palace Four had left L666s before Dr. Stan and Hector and were never seen again. Armed with the Excellent Yorkshire Rover Ticket, Hector had no qualms about bussing it from Bradford Interchange to Westgate even though this walk has been completed many times. The Sheesh Mahal (6 St. Thomas’ Road, BD1 2RW, Bradford) remains Bradford’s #1 Curry House.
A very so Young Waiter greeted us and sat us at the Table for Two which Dr. Stan and Hector have occupied on previous occasions. Taj, Mein Host was busy behind a Glass Counter which had a display of Ice Cream. I have never noticed this before, is it new? There were Weans running about, this would prove to be annoying. If Children are taken to a Restaurant they should be kept under control. What chance do Teachers have if Parents cannot control their own Weans?
The Menu was presented, normally Omar is on duty and this is dispensed with, He knows. Omar currently works days as was reported a couple of weeks back. Dr. Stan ordered a Kebab Starter – Seekh Kebab. Having had Fish Karahi earlier in the day at Kashmir, Hector did not need a Starter. Dr. Stan went on to consider the Mutton Balti, whilst Hector wondered at the difference between this and Lamb Balti on-the-bone, apart from the Bones…. I was asking for clarification when a Chap came into focus. He looked familiar, it couldn’t be? Sadaqat! Omar’s Uncle now has a Svelte Appearance, is it the moustache, glasses? He looks entirely different. Once clocked, he couldn’t hide. Sadaqat came over to deal with the order. Lamb Balti on-the-bone, Asian Style.
Can I have Methi sprinkled on top at the point of serving please? Sorted. Chapattis assumed, never stated, none asked for.
Asian Style
This was the second time today I had heard this in Bradford. What is going on? I have written oftentimes about my second Curry at Akbar’s in Glasgow when I received – Bland. Why should we have to ask for Curry to be served – Asian Style? What else do people want? The Rickmeister has been consulted, his version is – So as you don’t get a plate of soup after nine o’clock, when they can serve you any rubbish. If one decides to eat – Curry – are we not all entitled to The Authentic, or do enough people not care?
The Poppadoms, Modest Salad and Dips arrived. The Salad was nearer Dr. Stan, so he promptly covered it in Raita and tore in. Whilst he ate his Seekh Kebab, Hector speculated as to how many Weans it would take to make a Good Curry? Annoying, Children? Here it comes again – Hector has retired, no Sprogs please.
So, how were your Poppadoms, Dips, Seekh Kebab and Salad? There was a Dr. Stan Harrumph, then an apology.
Oh, Dear, this is embarrassing.
It’s not often one can belittle Big Stan. Dr. Stan called me – Dear. I think I’m on a cheap night out.
Bradford Curry-Heute
Dr. Stan ate his Mutton Balti with an appropriate level of – Mmmms – accompanying. The presence of Bones in the Lamb Balti was the only visible difference. Hector likes the Extra Flavour which Bones emit.
The Lamb Balti was smothered in Dry Methi, exactly how I love my Curry. The Bradford Curry Flavour sat beneath the Methi, so it is definitely not Methi alone as was concluded a while back. Hector remains in the dark as to what the Chefs in this part of Yorkshire do to create such a Distinctive, Addictive Flavour. Yum.
Liquid accumulated briefly at the base of the Karahi, a bit watery? The Chapatti took care of this, Yum – again. Then some Oil, just a little, accumulated, this was different. The Spice Level was Sufficient, not Excessive, it’s Flavour we seek. Do they use Salt in Bradford, the Curry is always Seasoned but never Salty. The brain speculated – MSG? Surely not? Maybe I shall try this at home. One day – The Secret – will be revealed.
The Bill
£21.50. No Pensioner Discount.
The Aftermath
Whilst we ate, Omar had entered the premises but just as a casual visitor, not to work. There had to be a Photo of Uncle and Nephew. It took a while to round up Sadaqat whom I know is camera shy.
Meanwhile our Young Waiter was revealed to be Omar’s Younger Brother, seventeen? He looks about twelve.
Taj came over to chat.
How are things?
I’ve retired!
The Masala Mash shrouding the Fish was exactly what Hector had in mind. What sort of Fish? Masala Fish! Full of Flavour, indeed – beyond full – Fish adds a Flavour Overdose, Intense, just what the Taste-buds need at this time of day. Sausage, Bacon and Eggs, Beans, Hash Browns? No thanks.
The Chapattis numbered three, the Bradford Norm. Smaller than served in the equivalent venues in Glasgow, these were more typical of the Traditional Chapatti. Two were sufficient.
Somebody, somewhere suggested a trip to Bradford. It was not Hector, but Hector could not sign up quick enough. Would Our Man in Bradford actually be in the country? He said so. And so RickFest 2015 was born.
He loves it – was Yvonne’s report on Craig’s progress. Craig was siting two to my left, I could only watch. Craig’s Lamb and Potato Balti disappeared in record time. Craig had accepted Chapattis too, no Rice. Twelve Chapattis had been served, three Inclusive Chapattis with every Portion, this is how it should be. Mags enjoyed her’s too, but made comparison to the 
Yvonne enjoyed her Krahi King Prawn Masala, and some. The prawns are gorgeous, absolutely outstanding. The is – Wow – honestly brilliant. I don’t recall Curry-Heute ever recording such a positive set of comments from Yvonne.
Indulgence? Absolutely! Hector had been in Bradford for some seven hours without Curry. The possibility of a Late Lunch could have staved off what appears here. After the Ritual Photos were completed, Hector found he was unable to commence The Feast. Everything was Hotter than Everything Else. Chops have to be handled, this was impossible, The Masala equally so when dipped with the Chapatti. Time to admire the Ample Karahi, the Masala Mash was comparable to that served at the 
Omar brought two Hot Poppadoms and the Spiced Onions. Sometimes the Pre-Starters can be filling, pace required. Behold – The Fish. This is all for Hector, ridiculous! Normally two would share this, who was complaining? There should be Posters of the 
The surface had a Baked Crust of Herbs and Spice, underneath lay the Freshest of Haddock. One could eat this then leave. Indeed, this followed by the 
Feast the eyes. This is not simply some Vegetables stirred into Plain Basmati and served, this has Class, and needless to say – Flavour. It is ages since I have had this as Goshat Karahi et al lend themselves to Chapattis. Cauliflower, Peas and Potatoes are in abundance. When the Lamb and Turnip was spread on top so yet another Vegetable. I had a brief moment of alarm when I surveyed how relatively little Meat I had before me, this is what I wanted? Could Hector turn Vegetarian, is the Chicken Curry a matter of days away? Calm.
The
The Bill
Hector’s favourite Band of all time is CAN, from K
With Jonathan on my right and Marg on my left, we were treated to over an hour of Steve Hackett Solo Album Tracks. The Tour is entitled from Acolyte to Wolflight, the only two Steve Hacket Solo Albums Hector possesses. Spectral Mornings kicked off the show. The current album – Wolflight featured prominently, Out of The Body, Wolflight, Lovesong to a Vampire, The Wheel’s Turning. The vocals sounded more convincing – Live – than they do in the studio recording. From forty years ago came Ace of Wands, A Tower Struck Down and the end sequence to the Magnus Opus – Shadow of the Hierophant.
The Bass Player was blond, wore glasses and bright red trousers. That looks like Roine Stolt – I said to Jonathan when he entered the stage. The Band were introduced, – On Bass, Guitar and Twelve String – Roine Stolt from the Flower Kings. And Transatlantic, Mr. Hackett! Hector’s day was complete. I no longer cared which of my Genesis Favourites would be dropped this evening.
Get ‘Em out by Friday, Can-Utility and the Coastliners featured from Foxtrot so, no Suppers Ready. Only the title track from The Lamb Lies Down on Broadway, so no Chamber of 32 Doors, Carpet Crawlers, Fly on a Windshield. A rare performance of Cinema Show, we were told preceded the conclusion to the main set- Musical Box. By now people were settling in for a long night of Classic Genesis, and it was time for the encores already? Clocks-The Angel of Mons arranged such that it did neither piece justice, was followed by a true rendering of Firth of Fifth. We needed more of what Mr. Hackett did last year, or some form of Genesis Reunion. Time to go home. Marg said she knew none of tonight’s pieces, but recognised some. Maybe she has to see a Genesis Tribute Act?
As ever, Nigel was there to supply – The Usual Rubbish.
A Musik Machine played something that was Half Musik – Half Radio. The vocal interruptions were baffling. We were being invited to phone in to something dubious. The room started to warm up. The Decor still amuses, more Ice Cream Parlour than Curry House. Never be put off by the Spartan Ambience, Hygiene Legislation is strictly enforced in the UK.
Stewart and Hector were invited to have the odd numbered Chops, we happily complied.
ly enthralled by the Karahi Gosht.
Meanwhile Craig was eating, knife and fork in hand as ever. You take the man out of Edinburgh…
Taj India (Wiankowa 3, 
The Breads preceded delivery of The Curry. The Chef had decided that Quarters was how to present Indian Bread, sorry it isn’t, let the customer have the joy of tearing off pieces as required. The Paratha was Thick with Potato, Flaky in parts, Floppy in others. Not a bad attempt at all. No way could all of this be eaten, thankfully Steve would assist. The Naan, also quartered, look Thin and Peely Wally. Rather annoyingly, the Rice attracted every fly in the house.
The Balti stood out from the other Curry Dishes, it was served in the Tall Bucket. The Lamb was virtually spilling out the top of The Balti, just how much was there? I had to decant, no way could I eat directly from this. Fifteen Large Pieces of Lamb, this was close to The Half Kilo. The Quantity of Meat meant that this Dish was not all Masala. The Masala did look Rich but Red and pretty much the same as the Chicken Tikka Masala and the Vindaloo, the same Pot? We collectively decided later that the Masala in the Balti was Darker, Creamier.
There was a Modest Kick, the Seasoning was Fine, the Curry had a Pleasing Flavour, the Lamb as ever had only just been introduced to the Masala, a criticism of many a Mainstream Curry House. I’ve had a lot worse, and consequently way better. There was little to be negative about, this Curry worked for Hector. With Seven pieces of Lamb to go I tried to get rid of some across the table, the leftover Masala was accepted by Marg, but not the Lamb. This was a Feast, just a pity I had not arrived here mid-afternoon. Taj India is open from Noon to 23.00 everyday, next time I shall have the Appetite to match the Quantity.
The Calling Card was left with the cash, but as the Waitress fetched it and brought it to the bar area before I had made my egress, I stopped to mention – Curry-Heute. The Card was quickly taken to the Mistress of The House who had emerged from the kitchen. The efficacy of Taj India was revealed in an instant.
Fish Tikka Masala (34Zl) – Pieces of boneless fish marinated in aromatic spices, grilled in tandoor and served in spicy tomato gravy with cashew nuts – was listed at the end of the section for Lamb Curry Dishes, all the likely Hector Curry choices together. Had Lamb been on my mind today the Handi would have won, with a major alteration. The – Offending Vegetable – was not included in the description for the Fish Tikka Masala. Is this the first time Hector has ordered Tikka Masala?
The Capsicum Ballast did detract from the Overall Pleasure, it was not listed as an Ingredient when it clearly was in other dishes. Why was this? A Chap who had to be – Mein Host – entered the premises half way though my Curry, he acknowledge his only customer. When I had finished he returned and spotted the Pile of Peppers. I waved my hand over them – These do not belong in Curry. No offence was taken, he said they could have been withheld had I asked, but I pointed out I had no way of knowing of their inclusion. He was proud to inform me that he had an Indian Chef.
Torun is a nearby settlement with a Spectacular Stare Miasto, Old Town. There was also a Curry House, the Royal India, Hector was tempted, had I been travelling alone, no question.
That the Hostelry of choice – Krajina – could be regarded as the Finest Multi Tap Bier House I have visited in Polska may mean a return at some point in the future.
The Menu had a Realistic Range of Dishes on offer, with Pork featuring in addition to the customary Chicken and Lamb. Who was working in the kitchen? Curry could be ordered by weight, 150g or 300g Portions, a system I like. This means if one was certain of the order, 450g could be mustered. Marg and Steve ordered The Specials, Chicken and Lamb respectively. Murghi Special/Mutton Special – Tender pieces of tandoori chicken/lamb with fresh garlic, ginger and red pepper with aromatic Indian spices. Not for Hector. In a determined attempt at avoiding the – Offending Vegetable – Hector took a leaf out of Lord Clive’s book – Dhansak Mutton – Tender piece soft lamb cooked with lashings of lentils in eastern spices. Why the Dhansak had – Eastern Spices – and The Specials had – Indian Spices – was also baffling. Lashings of Lentils, very Blytonesque.
That European Menus tend to use the term – Shorba – as the Soup Header encourages Hector whose ideal Curry should never be described as – Soup. The Mutton Soup did not impress Steve. Not seasoned, the fresh garlic was added too late. It seemed like a Chinese soup with an egg? The Meat was few and far between.
The Curry was Thick with Lentils, so the Masala was far from the typical Onion-based Masala that is the Norm. This was Lamb served in a Daal, one feels Dhansak should be more than this. The Tender Lamb was truly Soft as advertised. Sadly, the Dhansak was Under-spiced and Under-seasoned. There was no sense of Potency, the Cumin Seeds occasionally were bitten into and gave off their Blast of Flavour, but the Curry itself had to little to offer.
This was a Stir Fry.
Mutton Achari (36Zl) was the standout in the list of Lamb Curry Dishes. A Vegetarian (!) Paratha (12Zl) would be a suitable Accompaniment and test of the Fayre. Hector was puzzled, the Fish Curry Dishes came with Basmati, there was no stated equivalence for Lamb. The Waiter made no attempt to offer clarification, indeed, having taken Marg’s order, he had to be halted to take mine.
Behold the Plate of Soup with Meat, perhaps there was an inevitability. A Large Portion of Basmati was presented along with a Floppy Paratha which had been quartered. No way could Hector eat all this. The Paratha was – OK – but half was abandoned, the Rice had to mop up the Copious Masala. The Masala was Excessive, Creamy but at least did have a pronounced Pickle Flavour. One has to be pragmatic in such occasions, this is not a Curry House as such, who knows the background to the preparation, was it Lamb-Ding? The Lamb was plentiful but far too chewy. As is reported too often, the Masala and the Mutton were – Perfect Strangers – they had only just been introduced to each other at the point of serving. Why do Restaurateurs still believe they can pour a Sauce over Meat/Fish/Vegetables and call it – Curry?
Hector was nearly in The City to watch Scotland’s Exit from their latest competition, instead, a Local Takeaway was chosen to counteract the numbness and supply Today’s Pleasure.
The Masala was there, definitely Minimal. The Masala did not drain through the Rice to the base of the plate, this Curry was Dry, the Meat was – shrouded – just how Hector loves his Curry. The Rice had Mushrooms, Onion and Peas, – Diversity, Interesting – and also another source of Flavour. The Spice and Seasoning Levels were Ideal, it was The Overall Flavour that made this Curry Outstanding. Hector has had Curry from many sources when nothing happens at all on the palate. The Flavour here was truly – Intense, I should have been able to isolate the dominant causes, definitely Herb, possibly Cardamom. Whatever, this Curry was saturated in, it was Pure Pleasure.
This is on Hector’s doorstep, I’ll be back, soon.