There was nearly a Curry-Heute in Portsmouth, instead Hector ate one of the Blandest Meals ever. Steak and Kidney Pie, people enjoy this? Fortunately Lord Clive had plans for a change of Curry Venue in Crawley. We have been to The Downsman frequently of late, time to try the latest addition to the Crawley Curry Scene – Spice Indian Kitchen & Bar (5 Grand Parade, High Street, Crawley, RH10 1BU). The last time we were on these premises was during the infamous period of the Ash Cloud, then it was the Saffron Lounge. 
We had to come back from Deutschland over land then sea. This was the very early days of Curry-Heute. The Taj Mahal was the intended venue that night, we still haven’t been there. The Saffron Lounge is no more though the branding remains inside, so do the plates. 
The Menu is still the Saffron Lounge’s though the Young Waiter did show us the cover for what will be the Menu for Spice. The Saffron Lounge was always empty I’m told. Only five other diners were present during our visit this evening. Still quiet, despite its central position on the High St.
Maggie decided she was having a Starter – Garlic Chilli Gobi so this led us all to consider this. Clive went for the Seekh Kebab, Chapli and Shami were not available. Marg ordered one Poppadom (60p) even though she knows my contempt for venues which charge for these. Mango Chutney would accompany, another £1.00. Eh?
At the last minute I decided to share a Lamb Tikka (£5.00) with Marg.
The Mains would be easy –Karahi Gosht but with Potato replacing the unwelcome Capsicum. Mein Host was puzzled by this.
It will change the nature of the dish.
Exactly.
I had to make the point that this Invasive Ballast is not part of the Cuisine of the Indian Subcontinent. He finally agreed and said Green Chillies are used in India, not Capsicum.
Let’s have them too. A Tawa Paratha (£2.95) would accompany, described as – layered whole wheat bread..
Marg chose the Kashmir Rogan Josh with a single Chapatti (60p). Clive, abandoned his usual Dansak and selected Chicken Achari. Maggie went for the Lamb Dansak which was described as Sweet and Sour, strange. They would share a Mushroom Pilau, Clive added an Aloo Paratha.
And so we waited…
It took an age for the Starters to arrive. We began to speculate as to whether they were cooking the Food on the premises or had sent out for it. There is a Takeaway around the corner called Spice World. Clive also mentioned the mysterious Kitchen in the car park immediately behind Spice from where taxis deliver all over Crawley. We would investigate later.
Two Poppadoms arrived, Marg made the point of eating only one. Clive had what looked like three halves of Seekh Kebab, not the usual Pair. Maggie’s Garlic Chilli Gobi looked Minimal. It was also of the scale of Spice tolerance. Too hot for me – was her verdict. Clive had to step in – Quite fiery.
Cooling Yoghurt was provided, Maggie was able to continue. She felt that the Cauliflower should have been served more towards al dente, not in the – squashy – manner presented.
When the Lamb Tikka was placed on the table, Hector was gobsmacked. I called the Waiter. What is this? Three pieces of Meat for £5.00?
It’s the price on the menu – I was assured.
The price on the menu does not determine the portion size, take this back.
I should have done this in Paris three days ago. No more Mr. Nice Guy.
Hector was hungry. Had we gone to The Downsman I would be sharing Two Portions of Lamb Chops.
Fortunately the Karahi Gosht lived up to expectation. Eight, possibly more, pieces of Lamb and a decent portion of Potato made up the Solid Mass. The Masala was not over-abundant and was Tomato rich. The Green Chillies gave the extra bite. This was better than anything eaten in Paris.
The Waiter had to inspect both Parathas when he brought them so as to tell which was the stuffed one. This must say something about the quantity of Potato in the Aloo Paratha. The Tawa Paratha was fine, a bit on the thin side with a hint of flakiness. I managed to eat three of the quarters. Just as well I had no Starter.
Marg’s Rogan Josh was certainly Red and Tomato-rich also.
Plenty of meat, which could have been more tender, but enjoyable.
Maggie too found her Lamb to be less Tender than hoped for.
Meat was OK, but not falling apart. It didn’t blow my head off, the full lentil experience.
The Chicken Achari was well received. I am quite pleased with that. I wasn’t aware of chillies in the spices. It was pickled chicken.
The Bill
£72.70. This was examined carefully. The Lamb Tikka Starter was not there. Only one Poppadom was charged too.
The Aftermath
The Calling Card was given, Mein Host was scrutinising it. However, Hector was sent across the road to Brewery Shades. It was 22.55, was it time for Last Orders?
The Car Park
Clive took Hector to the rear of Spice to investigate all goings on Curry. The camera was flashing away when a Chap appeared from the darkness. This was Naz who of course knew Lord Clive. Pukka Hakka has closed, Chapati Junction is the Source of Curry. Had they supplied our meal this evening? No. But I was told that Spice is owned by the same people as the aforementioned Taj Mahal.
Naz has promised Desi cooking next time I am down in Crawley. Where has yet to established.
Naz – the Sunday or Monday of the August Bank Holiday – please!
Then the fire engine arrived.
The Spice Indian Kitchen & Bar had an issue. Had someone just tried the Garlic Chilli Gobi?
The Menu was brought but Mon Host knew something else was required. Once again I showed a photo of the expectation – Karahi Gosht – was Mon Host’s exclamation.
arg’s Fish Pakora arrived first. The Dips came soon after, the now standard Yoghurt, Tamarind and Pickle. Three Large Pieces of Fish Pakora made up The Portion. One more would have been given credence. Dry was how it looked, – Dry – was how Marg described it. More Batter than Fish.
Five, Six, Seven, the Meat content was easily into Double Figures. The Masala just sufficient, Tomato-rich, had a Viscous, Thick Texture. Dark Green Flecks of Herb were visible. This was Methi! Hector had a Parisien Lamb Curry of Quality!
I showed The Waiter the Photo form the 
We watched as a stream of Plates de Jour were brought downstairs, left on the table opposite, to then be taken outside. Metal trays with the Curry Portion occupying one of the three cavities, Rice and Bread the others. Very Puffy Naans stood out from the array of Food which passed our eyes.
Two Kebabs – was Marg’s first comment. They are usually served in Pairs. So much for – just a Starter – this would be quite filling.
The Standard Seven Small Pieces of Lamb, a Modest Portion but appreciably more than the Five from 
Eight Diners were already in situ this Sunday Lunchtime, two Ladies may have been arranging a Takeaway – Plat a emporter – as they say in these parts. We were shown to a small table for two midway between the other Diners.
Marg, in search of a suitable Starter, recalled the – OK Shami Kebabs – from 
Hector has no sense of humour when it comes to Food. This raised the hackles instantly. A Plate of Creamy Soup with a single Piece of Meat protruding. I had to count them. It took a while, was it really only Five? Indeed. For €11.50?
I ate, in a quiet rage. It is not often I feel this way when eating. I awaited the customary visit from The Waiter, none. The serving spoon was used as a Soup Spoon. This was so far from what I desired…
Villa Punjab (15, rue Leon Jost – 75017, Paris, France) is not far from Porte de Clichy where Marg and Hector are resident for five nights. The Plan is a Lunchtime Curry then something Parisien of an evening – Pizza, Spaghetti Bolognaise, the usual rubbish…
We walked in, nobody else was there. A small venue with about a dozen tables. The walls all had mirrors which creates the illusion of a larger venue. Mon Host brought The Menu, the Lamb section was very Mainstream. I was hoping to avoid the Sauce Pot. Keema Matter should surely get around this. This has to be prepared separately. A Pratha would accompany. The Bread prices were on the High side – €4.50 – for what would no doubt be Small in comparison to that served in the UK. Still, one does not have Rice with Keema Mutter.
Marg’s lunchtime tactic when Hector has Curry is to have a Starter only. She departed from Samosa and chose Pakora Allo. Hector refrains at this point from making any further reference to Café René.
The Keema Matter was presented in the same size of Karahi seen earlier. Due to being filled with Mince and Peas the Quantity appeared to be greater than the Co-diner had received in terms of Solids. This was a comparatively Wet Keema Mutter but thankfully not as Wet as I have encountered, the 
The Calling Card was accepted and in a hideous rendering of Franglais, I explained the orogeny. Interest was expressed, the Card was scrutinised.
India Palace technically was technically on our route home. Heading inland before we reached the Grand Mosque towards Boulevard Nafa, we found the India Palace (23-25 Rue Ahmed Mokri, Quartier Racine, Casablanca, Maroc) with relative ease. It was closed.
t tried, it was not available.
Poppadoms and The Dips were provided, the Poppadoms had the much welcomed embedded Cumin Seeds. This gives such an edge. I decided not to tackle the Lime Pickle less the Palate become distorted.
Four Shami Kebabs filled the plate, so much for another Source which mentioned Small Portions. Marg’s Salad was Substantial and well presented. Why this was – Tossed – who knows. It was the polite thing to offer Marg one of the four, before I knew it she had snaffled another half. Some Salad came my way in exchange, nice.
Hassan was seeing out his last customers of the day at his current business – a Gym, a far cry from the success that was one of Glasgow’s Finest Curry Houses. Marg went into the apartment to accompany Amel whilst Hassan took me round his work premises.
A Tagine was placed on the table – Fish. Hector had dropped enough hints 
Hector has been cooking Moroccan-style for some eighteen months but has yet to try Fish. Here lay a mass of Fish shrouded in Vegetables and Spice. From the outset it was evident that there was more than the four of us would ever manage. Tagine can be so close to Curry, this was a classic example. The Spices and Herbs, the lack of a Soup
y Masala, even before trying it the Pedigree was there. The Flavours – Mmmmmm. There was Tangy Blast at one point. The Olives, had they been Black originally? I ate, I studied, this I shall try to replicate soon. Truly Wonderful Food.
Good to his word, Hassan drove us all to the Plage/Beach for an evening stroll. Picking up his youngest en route we now had two little girls to amuse Marg. The Hotel where Hassan found Amel was shown to us. He went to look for a Moroccan Chef for his Glasgow Restaurant and found Amel. The rest is…
As we left the Medina this afternoon there was a brief financial transaction, Two Large Potatoes, One Khadu, Cilantro (Hector is abroad and so used – Foreign-speak – for Fresh Coriander). Tomato Puree was bought in our local store.
Rarely has Marg enthused so much about a Hector Curry. Served without Bread or Rice this was the full blown assault on the palate. The Seasoning and Spice level were exactly how one would hope. The Masala was Gloopilly-Thick. The Potatoes had been cooked through, it was a matter of stirring them into the Masala then topping with the Herbs. This looked like Curry, it most certainly was.
Hassan arrived just after 23.00. One is still learning about Moroccan customs. He brought his friend Mustafa who had very little English. From the moment Hassan entered the apartment he could sense the aroma of Curry. Strange how people walk in to Hector’s House and remark on this.
Drinks were ordered first, a Bottle of Rose at 250 Dirhams (£16.50) was ordered to share. Hector needed Bier too, a 33cl Bottle of Casablanca would complete the moment. Why is Bier always £7.00 a pint in 
Goats Cheese and Fresh Figs? This sounded like a Splendid Starter, to share. With Balsamic drizzled over the Figs, Cheese and the Lettuce Ballast this was remarkable. This will most certainly be served one day at Hector’s House.
Stroganoff needs a blast of Ginger, at least, to give it the required impact. When it arrived this evening with Tagliatelle, I was taken aback. This was a surprisingly good combination. The Quality of the Sauce was Outstanding. A Complexity of Flavours were contained there-in. This was easily one of the Best Non-Curry Meals Hector has enjoyed in years.
Marg was served Five Lamb Chops shrouded in a Herb coating. Artichoke and what Marg believes was a Mash of Turnip accompanied. Additionally, small Sides of Vegetables were placed on the table- Broccoli, Onion Rings, Eggplant, Beetroot and Crispy Celery. The Overall Quantity was Perfect, the prices were also reasonable at around £10.00 per Main Course.
To prolong the Pleasure there had to be Ice Cream. There was a choice of various concoctions, we both chose Vanilla and Caramel which came with a Chocolate Sauce and topped with a Glace Cherry.
The setting of Les Jardins de Bala is spectacular. The aforementioned minaret is well illuminated. The pool and interior courtyard of the Hotel also lend their ambience to this magnificent setting. One learns quickly in 
The French Menu at the door had convinced the Hector that something approaching Lamb Curry would be available. For those who take the Chicken route, the Menu was heading further East. Les Jardins de Bala advertises itself as an Indian and Asian Restaurant.
Bier and Wine were available, as ever Hector chose the Sparkling Water, ice cold. Two small Poppadoms were presented, the classic European Poppadoms with embedded Cummin Seeds. Always a good welcome. Starters were blanked, the appetite takes a while to recover in desert heat. 50 Dirhams (£3.30) for a Raita did look Suspicious. No Lamb Chops.
Around half a dozen good sized pieces of Lamb were smothered in a thin sauce then topped with Chunky Vegetables – half-cooked Onions, Fresh Tomatoes, Chillies, and Four Pieces of the Offending Vegetable. Lots of 
This was a Thai Curry, nothing Hector would choose. With Lamb and Potatoes, Marg instantly commented upon the Kick. She had not asked for – Spicy. Coconut and Cashew (Gesundheit!) Nuts too, certainly not a – Hector Curry. Marg thoroughly enjoyed her Dish but realised Chicken would have lent itself more to this style of Cuisine. Marg also commented on how chewy the Lamb was.
The Keema Naan stood apart due to the air pocket. The Mince interior was Minimal and had the tell-tale Donner appearance. By no means large, it did the job. The Garlic and Coriander Naan was Herb-rich. Both very fresh on arrival. Perhaps pricey for their size.
