The last Curry-Heute in Bishops Storford was a random choice. More thought and effort went into today’s choice. Rubys (5a Newtown Rd, Bishops Stortford, CM23 3SA) stood out as The Place, argh – it’s a Takeaway only. So much for research.
Shadhona was the nearest venue to Rubys. It was after 22.00, hopefully a Curry and a Bier could be squeezed in to whatever time was left in English midweek licensing. The Polling Stations were now closed. Scotland could be an Independent Country within the next Nine Hours. Democracy.
Greeted on entry, I was marched to a table for two, right behind a group of five chaps with bottles on the table, loud would be understatement. I had to endure their anti-social nonsense for some fifteen minutes. I was asked what I wanted to drink as I took my seat – Sparkling Water – no Drinks List offered.
The Menu was brought with immediate efficiency. Strange names, needlessly so, I couldn’t be bothered reminding myself what Rezala is… from experience it can be anything. I would set out my demands/expectations.
Which Dish has Minimal Masala and Tender Lamb? We agreed on – Thick Masala – as – Dry – appeared to suggest None. There was no Karahi or Lamb Methi on offer here.
Lamb (Tikka) Rang Puri, see what I mean?, was recommended as being -**** **** – yes, The Waiter described his Best Dish as such.
A Vegetable Rice felt like the best Accompaniment, just in case – Dry – was not understood. Given the proximity to London, Lamb Chops to start, London = Small Portions.
Can you please ensure that no Capsicum appears in either the Curry or the Rice please?
Noted.
How Many Chops?
At £4.95 the expectation was more than two. And they were small, at least they had girth. They were accompanied on the iron griddle by Onions which sizzled. I was not permitted to decant these, a young waiter served the Chops and Fried Onions. A Modest Salad and a Sauce which in this light looked like Mango Lassi was the Accompaniment/Decoration.
The Chops were excessively chewy. The gnashers had to work overtime to extract every last morsel from these humble offerings. Although they looked the part, the Chops lacked the welcomed Burny-Taste. Not The Best.
The Staff by now had noticed me snapping everything. No comment. I had also realised by now that the re-stock of Calling Cards was back in my room. The Curry was wheeled out.
Curry with no Coriander or Capsicum – said the young waiter. I would have welcomed Coriander.
Look at this!
Usually it is Marg who draws the short straw and ends up with a plate of Onions. Why do Chefs resort to Onion Overdose when the Mushy Green Ballast is removed from their narrow range of options? Thick? Was this a Thick Masala? Lamb? This was an Onion Curry. The heart sank.
There was a distinct aroma from the Vegetable Rice. This was sampled first. Star Anise – Aniseed to you and me, fragrant, fine. There’s Hope in the Heart.
The Masala had only been introduced to the Lamb moments before they were introduced to the Hector. There was no evidence of Seasoning, and I use this absolute deliberately. Under the mountain of Onions there was presumably some Meat. Eventually this was located, there was more than initially spotted, don’t get excited. The Lamb was chewy, so chewy it felt like Gristle at times. Not Scottish Lamb then.
Flavour? I waited patiently. There was none. Wait, a Green Cardamom was located, this was sucked to excess just to confirm the taste-buds were functioning. Yes, Green Cardamom. End of Flavour. Kick? Well, what do you think? None. This was Curry, allegedly.
This Curry was not bland, it could not even be placed on a Scale of Blandness.
I awaited the Customary Question. The answer was ready.
If you served this in Glasgow, people would laugh. Maybe they wouldn’t, but they would not be fooled again.
The Question was never asked.
The Bill
£19.35. Without the Lamb Chops this would have been within acceptable parameters. Two Chops for £4.95? Come on.
The Aftermath
The people of Bishops Stortford decided that Hector would achieve no sleep before 04.00 by which time nature took hold, an hour long thunderstorm.
At 04.06 the Votes were 49.8% Yes, 50.2% No, I wasn’t dreaming. One needs to be asleep to dream. West Dunbartonshire can forever hold its head high.
An Aloo Paratha for Hector, Chapatti for Marg and a Garlic and Cheese Naan for Snax.
The Two Portions of Lamb Karahi arrived first, so much for my plans. We waited for the Methi Gosht which was along momentarily. Snax and Hector both love their Methi. This Dish was Thick with Herbs.
Needs more seasoning – was Snax’s immediate comment in the direction of the Young Waiter. More Seasoning? How many times has this expression appeared in Curry-Heute. Snax should visit 
The Lamb in both Dishes was Suitably Tender, – Succulent – is Snax’s preferred nomenclature. A pity that Lamb on-the-bone was not on offer. The Masala was Suitably Minimal and the Chef had not taken the easy route of – Capsicum withheld = Onion Overdose. This was Impressive Curry.
The longer we found ourselves in each others company, the more Venues we found we had in common, not just in Glasgow but Bradford (
Snax was up at the Counter enquiring if they would deliver to his neck of the woods. This suggests the Curry was found to be Favourable. Hector’s experience of Capital Curry is Minimal. 
It was late. Hector had The Munchies. A Text was sent to Marg on the return journey from a soon to be Foreign Land, either collect me at Glasgow Central or at 
Ayax brought the Karahi Gosht and immediately apologised. He would make it up next time. Indeed, the Portion size looked – Fine – however there was more Bone than Lamb. Not since the 
The Single Chapatti was used to Dip the Oily Masala from the Base of the Karahi. Here lies the most Intense Flavours. The Bones were sucked clean, a Big Pile grew. Fresh Green Chillies packed the Punch. Fun.
I chose my own table for two amongst The Many. A large venue, however, this table was in – Mr. Axelrod’s Angel – mode in terms of proximity to the others. To be here at peak times must be horrendous. Hector was The Lone Diner. Was there a Chef in the building?
At the start of The Menu was a list suggesting Spice. Is this not all Curry? I cut to the chase – Lamb Dishes.
aditional punjabi hot dish with diced lamb marinated in yoghurt, red chillies and spices, cooked on a very slow heat. The dilemma as always is to accept what comes or order – Off-Menu? The Hector Aggressive Order usually comes when there is nothing on The Menu. My second Newcastle Curry – The Menu. Lal Goshat (£9,95) it was, with a Tandoori Roti. At £1.80, One should suffice. 
The Meat count initially felt minimal, For a Tenner? Time would reveal seven Decent sized pieces of Tender Lamb. Do Chefs really grab a serving and dismiss the excess towards seven? The Lamb proved Tender and adequate.
The Roti was impressively Large. One was a good call. Actually, this decision was based more on the 
Yes, there was Disappointment. Then there was the admission – Hector should have chosen better, Lamb on-the-bone perhaps. The Roti was used to mop up the Masala, the spoon to consume the Lamb.
The Friday Evening Curry-Heute Ritual in the company of Dr. Stan has been restored. With Kenny and Mags on board, Four would Feast at 
A Pile of Poppadoms, Two Dips, a Salad and Spiced Onion were delivered without comment. As these were devoured Dr. Stan asked – Is that it? Can we go now? Our Chap emerged from the Kitchen with a Platter of Spiced Haddock and another Salad. Usually the Fish is presented when the Order is – To be Fed. This was a surprise inclusion. Three Pieces, but they were Whale sized, and all this before the Karahi.
The Haddock was Subtly Spiced, Fresh and cooked in foil to Perfection. The Dips and the New Salad came into their own, a Wonderful Combination.
Our Chap presented the Highest Mountain of Goshat Karahi ever set before the Hector. Two Plates of the Excellent 
You are not expecting serious conversation at the moment? I asked. We were up to our elbows in Curry.
The Four went their separate ways. Dr. Stan would join Hector later at the Camperdown for the unveiling of this season’s NZPA. The Prognosis is Excellent. Oh, Yes!
Curry was advertised on the exterior signage, posters on the interior walls advertised various Chicken Dishes and Kebabs. The illuminated boards behind The counter showed the array of burgers, Kebabs and Pizza. Where would we be without Pizza? No Curry?
The Masala accompanying the Kofta was Thin, Shorba. Once again the Kick was there, and The Seasoning was Superb. The Masala was genuinely full of Flavour. Splitting the Koftas in half to prolong the pleasure, they looked Pale. Not Vegetable Koftas, surely? I had to ask. Shahed thought they were Chicken and called to the rear to verify this. Hector was eating Chicken Kofta, and enjoying it! I feel a Lamb Overdose is now required, watch this space.
Mein Host took the Cash. He offered me a Takeaway Menu, the Curry List at last! I note that Desi Breakfast is available on Saturdays and Sundays. I congratulated Mein Host on the Quality of Curry served and on his seven years in business. He told me there are some thirty Takeaways within a mile radius of these premises.
The monthly visit to 
A New Young Chap brought the Modest Salad and a Jug of Water.
The Vote for Scottish Independence is looming. All the Staff at 
It is two months shy of two years since the last visit to The Shenaz (17 Granville Street, Glasgow, G3 7EE). I bet the next two years pass more slowly.
Parathas would accompany. For a moment I considered the Keema Paratha but spotted the Garlic, never had this. Kenny followed the lead, Dr. Stan stayed Plain. Dr. Stan suggested a share of Rice. The Special Rice contained …. which Kenny announced he detests. What Curry Blog has he been reading? Hector had to announce the order to the Waiter who I recognised from last time. The Staff were plentiful, no problems with Service here.
No Poppadoms or Dips came. Of course we hadn’t ordered them, what difference would that make? The Shenaz Custom of serving Onion, Tomato, Coconut and Pineapple with the Mains continues.
Some of the Meat was so Soft it had evidently been in the Curry Pot for some time, fortunately there was some that did require a chew. Studying the Columnar Structure of the Beef, here is evidence that only Beef has this. How many times have I questioned the veracity of Lamb?
She brings the rain, it feels like spring
This evening’s Curry at the 
though the Photographic Integrity was maintained. The Curry Camera was restored two days ago, alas, it has acquired a new problem (in transit?) and will have to be sent back to the camera hospital. Photographs are possible, just…
The Mint Coriander Masala was described by Jamie: – It was Hot, I could taste the Mint, it wasn’t overpowering, an Excellent Curry. Having tasted everything else on the table, it was as good.
Arriving First, Hector advised Khalid that we would be Five today. The table had been set for Four in the middle of the room, I was invited to take the large double table at the rear of the Dining Room. Saeed stated that another Half Kilo was not a problem, they had prepared a large batch as Three Further Diners were due at 18.00 to enjoy this Remarkable Creation. We agreed to give Stewart the choice.
Saeed brought out a Large Karahi with a plate of Chapattis to accompany. A Smaller Karahi and more Chapattis appeared moments later.
Mags – The Spice was amazing, better than the White Karahi.
