Two nights in Crieff, four Curry outlets reported, a Curry opperchancity. Hector was misled. Many moons ago, Marg announced a family get-together at a posh establishment in this town. Hector booked us into a B&B on the high street instead, the difference in price would hopefully cover the Curry. Actually it was more to do with avoiding dogs & weans.
Early research showed one venue serving Punjabi Fayre, on arrival yesterday, Royal Tandoori turned out to be Takeaway/Delivery only. An alternative venue had become a gift shop and the other did not sell Curry. This left The Gurkha’s (1 East High Street, Crieff PH7 3AF Scotland). Hector does not rush towards Nepalese Restaurants, the fear of – Soup – and – Blandness – means – take the alternative. There was no sit-in alternative.
Nepalese & Indian – claim The Gurkha’s, there was hope having studied the menu online. Gordon, father of James, plus Ryan and Hector arrived at the empty Gurkha’s around 18.30. Two more diners would eventually arrive. A Wednesday night, and no World Cup on TV, surely a night to get out?
The Gurkha’s seats thirty four, the décor is minimalist as was the heating. Beware.
Being the chaps escape to normality, there would be Bier, pints of Cobra, price not declared at the time of ordering, plus Orange Juice (£2.50) for the driver, Gordon.
What to have? Gordon asked the Hector for advice. Having never been here, how was this possible? The opposite approach was the response: avoid Vindaloo and Madras.
James, who had Butter Chicken when he made his Curry-Heute debut, helped his dad come up with Lamb Rogan Josh (£13.95) with a Peshwari Naan (£3.75). James didn’t stray far from this in the menu and opted for the adjacent Lamb Kathmandu (£13.95), with a Cheese & Garlic Naan (£3.75). They then sneaked in a Pilau Rice (£3.95), to share.
Gordon declared the need for Poppadoms, here we go. Actually, for once, Hector did not resist. Poppadoms (4) Mango Chutney, Mixed Pickle Dip (£5.50) was bearable. Other venues would have had a tenner on The Bill at this point.
Ryan travels oft to what was once called The Far East. From his home perspective, it’s up north. Ryan has had copious Curry in Australia too and knows his stuff. Butter Chicken with extra Capsicum – is always his wind-up, he knows better, I believe.
Lamb Balti (£13.95) was his choice with Boiled Rice (£3.50), oh and a Garlic Naan (£3.75). Just to prove that, at a certain age, there’s no limit to what one can consume, James added Chicken Pakora (£6.95), Ryan – Seekh Kebab (£6.95).
£6.95 for Pakora and Seekh Kebab, the Hector would patiently wait to see how this was justified.
The description for Karahi was sufficient to command a wide berth. Most certainly not a Punjabi/Lahori Karahi.
Lamb Methi (£13.95) became Hector’s first choice, depending on the nature of the Dish. Lamb Bhuna (£11.95), which also featured Methi, was the fallback. I asked Mein Host about the nature of the Lamb Methi was it – Masala with Methi, or a mass of Herbs and no Masala? His first response was – Fenugreek. Then he assured me it was my preferred – Masala with Methi.
Nobody had mentioned Spice Level. I asked for – Spicy, above medium, not crazy.
Spicy Curry in a Nepalese Restaurant? Medium could well be below – Bland.
Meanwhile, across the road at Royal Tandoori, they were preparing a £119.00 Order for those on dog and wean watching duties, or them that just couldn’t be bothered coming out in the cold. Marg had been organising this when we left. I heard Chicken Tikka Masala more than once. Delivery (£1.00) via one of the many agencies had been mooted. What could possibly go wrong?
The Poppadoms and Dips were devoured. I couldn’t believe that having had a full Scottish Breakfast, I could be this hungry already. A good sign for what was coming. OK, Breakfast was at 08.00, typical British hospitality:
You can have breakfast anytime, between 08.00 and 08.30 – Marg and I were once told in The Lake District, a Sunday morning too. Checkout, before 10.01. How do they get away with this for the prices charged? It also puts in perspective how relatively little I/we pay on our frequent trips abroad, for better service.
I warned Gordon, in particular, to beware of the Pickle. He took some and did not react. This was surprisingly mild in comparison to the Lime Pickle I usually encounter. Our palates were not destroyed before our Main Courses.
A Raita and a pink Yoghurt were provided as accompaniments for the Starters.
Chicken Pakora
Seven decent sized pieces of Chicken in a worrying – red – coating. £1.00 a piece. I was offered, but gracefully declined. Chicken Pakora does nothing for me, let those who enjoy it have more. Hector the magnanimous.
My fellow diners all enthused, perhaps too much. It couldn’t have been that good. Chicken in a Spicy batter, now Fish in a Spicy Batter…
Seekh Kebab
Given the light colour, I deduced these were made from Chicken Mince. Ryan seemed to take an age to get started. Again, on offer, Hector was not missing out.
Spicy and Herb-rich, these were authentic Seekh Kebab, all two of them, sliced to create the impression of – more. How can they justify £6.95 for this?
The Seekh Kebab were also – hot, much appreciated, did I mention how chilly the room was? And how cheap fuel is in this area, comparatively speaking.
Two more pints were ordered, Hector still had plenty yellow fizz, no more required.
When the three pots of Rice were presented, I recognised the style, but was maybe fooled by the size. For a moment I thought – Euro Rice portions, fortunately, once decanted the plate was covered. This quantity I would manage. The Mushrooms were fresh. Ryan would go on to establish that he hadn’t needed Rice.
Here is the Cheese & Garlic Naan and then the Peshwari Naan.
How peely wally are these? Hardly a burnt blister to be seen, no sign of rising, and served in six pieces. This is not how Hector seeks his Naan.
The Garlic Naan arrived last and was the only well-fired Bread presented. Better by far, spot the blisters. At the end, Bread was left.
Lamb Methi
A decidedly thick Masala in a Nepalese House? There’s hope for mankind. Appearance wise this was way better than I could have expected. Strands of Herb were strewn through the Masala, would the Hector have his Methi blast?
I counted the Meat beyond double figures as I decanted. James asked why I was counting the Meat.
Eight is a standard portion, when the count reaches double figures, one has a decent portion.
Now he knows.
The Seasoning was well below the Hector idyll, as a consequence, the Flavours took a while to emerge. The Spice Level was no more than – moderate. At least it wasn’t – Bland!
There was a consensus around the table that the Lamb was – Tender. Ryan, as we shall see, may have been a bit exuberant. As ever, in a Mainstream Curry House, the Lamb was giving off not much more than the taste of the Meat itself.
Ryan related his experience of Goat Curry on-the-bone, served in Thailand, if I recall correctly. He is now aware of the added Flavour. Meat on-the-bone in a Mainstream Curry House? Maybe this is another parameter which can be employed to differentiiate Mainstream from the outstanding.
I have just referred to The Gurkha’s as – Mainstream. Already this is a positive in Curry-Heute. Let’s not get carried away, this Lamb Methi needed much more Methi for a start. No Methi blast, overall the Flavour was at a premium, Hector is used to a greater intensity. Having asked for – Spicy – it wasn’t. Still, competent Curry, that it wasn’t – Shorva, a bonus. If I was a resident of Crieff, I would indeed take advantage of the invitation on the Takeaway Menu to ask for my – dish of choice. Well, insist it was cooked towards the Hector palate.
Why do I think the next paragraphs might be a hoot?
Lamb Kathmandu
Lamb Tikka one assumes given the BBQ reference. Apart from that it is difficult to identify much difference from the above Curry. Maybe the Methi had the visible strands of Herb.
The man who likes Butter Chicken had this to say:
It was very good, I tried a new dish, and would recommend it.
Everything was good, the Poppadoms, and the Lime Pickle was not too spicy.
Lamb Rogan Josh
When I saw this, I had to mind my language. Wtf has this got to do with a Rogan Josh? I have seen many a horrendous Curry, had a few unfortunately, look at those Onions! Since when did a Rogan Josh become a Dopiaza? Large pieces too, hardly cooked. Now I can imagine what Gurkha’s – Karahi – may have looked like. The likely use of food colouring too, hold me back.
Rogan Josh? This was neither in the traditional Tomato-rich style or the contemporary Creamy Curry that has evolved in more recent times. However, to be fair, Rohit at Raunak Raseeli (Glasgow) recently described Rogan Josh as Onion-rich. The Onions here were – Ballast!
I watched as Gordon made progress, what lay beneath was no better. For Hector, this would have been – Curry Hell.
Gordon enjoyed his Curry, clearly he found his entire visit to The Gurkha’s to be favourable:
I’m not really a Curry eater, I thought it was well presented, and I do like poppadoms. I’d certainly go back.
When James saw Gordon’s Curry, he was so taken by it, he would gladly have swopped.
I think I’m at the wrong movie – as a Doctor of Philosophy known to Hector once said, actually more than once. Poppadoms, aye right.
Lamb Balti
We’re back in the land of proper, thick Masala, with perhaps some pieces of Onion protruding. Again, why so – red?
With Boiled Rice and his Garlic Naan, and not forgetting the Starter, Ryan had quite an undertaking before him. As he ate, Ryan did mention a lack of Spice in his Balti. He was brave to go for a Curry which is defined by the container it is traditionally served in rather than its content.
Having asked for a few words, Ryan went one better and sent the following:
First time Cobra experience, refreshingly smooth and matches well with the cuisine.
Poppadoms crisp and crunchy with well portioned accompaniments.
Seekh kebab a little dry could give or take. Tasty enough however fair amount of Raiti needed to moisten.
Lamb Balti: succulent lamb and generous with meat portion. Well spiced, advertised as ‘Hot’ but would describe as Mild-Medium. Touch of coriander was nice.
All in all a delicious experience would recommend and visit again if I find myself in Crieff.
Crieff, again? I’ll let Ryan off with his use of the – n – word that should never appear in a food blog. And with reference to another – n – word, let us reflect on the bravery of Squadron Leader George Johnny Johnson (617 Squadron) who passed today aged 101: the last of The Dam Busters.
The Bill
£131.10 The cheapest petrol/diesel in the land may be found in the garages around Crieff, this spirit has not been translated to this Curry House. £5.75 a pint for yellow fizz? No wonder I rarely indulge.
The Poppadoms and Dips had suddenly become £6.95.
*
The Aftermath
I went up to the counter and presented the Calling Card. I then congratulated Mein Host on not serving Soupy Curry. He confirmed that the Kormas have more sauce.
Appreciation of the fayre was expressed as we departed. As reported above, my fellow diners certainly enjoyed their meal. Hector needs to get back to a Punjabi Curry Cafe soonest. Alas, more Mainstream Curry is scheduled for later in the week.
On rejoining the rest of the company, leftovers were being placed in the fridge. Guess whose Curry was omitted from the Delivery Order?
Marg resorted to trying bits of everyone else’s. Royal Tandoori said that her business was with the Delivery agency not with them, they could do nothing. So it goes.
The Gurkha’s Menu extracts
December, the Silly Season is upon us, time for sensible chaps to stay in on a Friday night. Marg, however, traditionally has places to go meaning that Takeaway tends to rear its head in this month more than any other. Takeaway, had enough of that through Lockdown, but hey-ho, there’s a new venue open in Clydebank close to Hector’s House, I have been waiting for the opperchancity. 
Arriving at 18.50, the front door was wedged open, inviting, but cold inside. 
When I saw the container being passed over in the shop, Soup was the observation. However I was pleased to find a decent, blended Masala, this was Curry. Time would tell if the ratio of Masala to Rice would culminate in the plate being cleared. A modest sprinkling of Coriander was accompanied by slices of the large Green Chillies. The latter were a welcomed sight. 
I counted eleven pieces of Meat as I arranged the Curry on top of the Rice. Large pieces, one could easily have halved each piece. Let’s face it, Takeaway portions tend to dwarf those served in many Curry Houses, the pukka ones in particular. 
Tangy – is why I chose this Curry. Had Achari been available I would have gone there, alas, this was a close as. Note to self: another visit to 
Curry in Clydebank, it cannot all come from the same pot, surely? Theoretically, it could all come from the same kitchen and be distributed accordingly. Too fantastic to consider. 
I was offered – Tray of Donner Meat (£3.50) – the leftovers. No problem. There was no mention of Bread, I asked for Pitta (£0.50). One was duly put in the Pizza oven. 
Arriving at 14.45 this Monday afternoon, there was a smile of recognition from the manager standing behind the counter. I took a window seat in the otherwise empty restaurant. The waiter brought the 
As expected, prices have increased since last time, around 10% for most items, however, the big hitting Karahi have increased by some 20%. Such is the way of things. 
When the food arrived, it was way better than anticipated. The Naan, served in two pieces, was as puffy as a Naan can be. With a Buttery sheen, light and fluffy, excellent. The waiter said he would bring another Naan if required. I assured him I would be lucky to manage half of this one. Some have Bread with Curry, Hector has Curry with Bread.
Behold the – foliage! Accompanying the abundant Ginger Strips and Coriander were copious slices of Green Chillies, the large ones, so not as fierce as their thinner counterparts. I was expecting Curry, this looked more – Karahi – than – Curry. The given description was – thick masala sauce. What sat before me was way more special. The thickness was there and the Texture had – Tomato-based – written all over it. Normally I would have eaten straight from the karahi, but I had to see the Masala. 
I took about a third of the contents of the karahi, the Cauliflower was present, but so was a lot of Meat, and not much sign of bones. I watched the Oil collect in the corner of the karahi which had been vacated. 
The colour of the Masala intrigued; no sign of – red – this was approaching grey-brown, almost the shade of Namkeen. As I dipped my first piece of Naan in the Masala, so there was a Peppery blast. Having expected Curry, I had definitely been given Karahi, and was now considering how close this was to Namkeen Karahi. 
So much pleasure here today, as ever, I reached the point where I had to take stock of how much Bread could be managed. A little over half of the Naan had been eaten, enough already. 
Having served the flat karahi to my fellow diners, the waiter asked the customary question.
November has been a good month for Curry, 
No sign of Sijin today, it was a waitress who was front of house. There was a new menu on the table, with increased prices since my last visit in June. A glass of Tap Water was ordered, it tasted nothing like the bleachy stuff served south of the river. 
Malabar Parotta, 
Hector was not put off by the sprinkling of Coconut on top. Beneath lay a sinister, dark, thick Masala; a Dry Chettinad, the holy grail of South Indian Curry? To maintain the heat of the contents of the bowl, I decided not to decant to the plate. Compared to the mountains of food presented last week at 
I was in a dark corner eating a dark Masala. I could sense slivers of Onion, caramelised I deduced, given the Fruitiness that emanated from the Masala. There was so much going on here, then add the joy of the Beautiful Bread, a spectacular meal, a wee bit more Parotta would have had Hector in raptures. 
Today’s was the planned visit to 
Repeating 
They suggested I try a Buffet establishment in Rusholme, those I try to avoid. Here was an opperchancity to ask about the much missed 
A flight to Manchester was the chosen route – Back to Blighty. At the time of booking, it was an evening arrival, too late for
The plate brimmed with food, the ritual decoration meant adding more. Rizwan took the Oppo and recorded the moment. Hector reciprocated. Chaps at the adjacent table watched with interest. Who is this guy? I ask – who was the chap with the biggest smile? If there’s a third Gallagher brother in Manchester, this was he. 
Karahi Lamb it is, and still the – Wow! – is retained. The extra sliced Green Chillies upped the Spice Level The well pitched Seasoning is a major contributor to this Dish. The quality of the Lamb which Rizwan sources remains consistent, so he clearly has not cut back here. Sucky Bones, and sook I did. Delightfully Tender, the Meat was giving back so much Flavour. I am evidently on a run of impressive Meat, maybe a return to the Mainstream is called for, maybe not. 
The table was cleared by the gentleman who is always on hand to do this. A couple of glasses of tap water provided a moment of respite before the Spice reformed on the palate. This would last a long time. I also noted how – clean – the water tasted, nothing like that on Glasgow’s Southside. 
After a decidedly abstemious afternoon spent in the company of the Berlin Ladies, then watching the World Cup at Society, the munchies arrived. This was triggered by the friendly chaps, sharing my table, filling the table with food. They were also interested to hear that half of the Australian football team had a Scottish connection. No wonder they lost. Another Curry? Back in the day, there would have been no question. Lockdown changed this. 
I recognised none of the staff, all change. During my wait I kept my eyes on the kitchen doorway, no sign of Chef Rashid, though if he has a brother… A new guy popped between the kitchen and the serving area where the grilling is done, a new manager? In January there will no doubt be more late night visits to 
£8.99 It was 20.30, have I ever been here so early?
I opened the box: Rice, and a Salad, of sorts. Maybe a Naan would have been too dry an accompaniment, I was given a small portion of Sauce. This partly covered the greenery. 
The Chops had been suitably cremated, the burnt taste takes them to a different level. The eating of the Chops was therefore having the desired experience, however, I had the Rice to address. How much Rice can a Hector eat in one day? Today I found out. Is there a conspiracy? Rice without Masala needs other distractions, the Salad was not it. 
Curry in 
Taking refuge from the snow, Hector arrived at 13.15 to a warm welcome by Sydney, Mein Host the Chef, and his lady assistants. They appreciated that I clearly made the effort to come here, I was not a passing shopper. That I have been to 
Essen Wieim Urlaub, eat like on holiday, was posted on a board. This is why I chose Saphir today. After the exposure to the excellent fayre at 
Rice & Curry is how the food was advertised, I asked which was better Beef Curry (€14.90) or the Fish Curry (€13.90). I was assured I would enjoy the Beef more, and was the invited to choose an accompanying Vegetable. Hector chose Potato. A 500ml bottle of Sparkling Water (€2.90) was chosen over Sri Lankan soft drinks. 
The Poppadom acted like a shield, dividing the two sides of the plate. A mass of Beef sat on one side, Potato on the other. Beneath was the Shorva infused Rice. On the edge, a Chilli Paste plus sliced Green Chillies looked menacing. When Sydney brought the cutlery, he told me he made the Paste himself. 
absorbed Spice also, tasty. The Shorva had all the Seasoning required, and so I set about mixing the contents of the plate. The Chilli Paste was eleven on a Spice Scale of ten. I took Soupçon after Soupçon of the Chilli Paste to bring the Shorva up to a level that suited the Hector palate. Few Chefs provide this option. There was something orange beneath the Chilli Paste, this I couldn’t identify, best left alone, especially if it was Coconut. 
When I was down to my last twelve pieces of Beef, I knew that I could not finish all before me. The Potatoes were easier eating, the Beef more demanding. I restored the Poppadom to its vertical position and waved the flag at eight pieces of Meat. 
Day #3 in 
I recommended the 
I took a litre bottle of Sparkling Water from the fridge and went up to place my Order. Ohne Brot, mit Reis – today I made it clear, Rice only. There was no point in wasting more Bread, and Rice for that matter. 
I was prepared for Shorva, that the Masala was in the classic, blended style was for me, a bonus. The Oil was separating, such a familiar sight, but only with Desi Curry, not the Mainstream. This Masala was markedly different from the 
The Spice Level was the highest of the three Dishes ordered this week, but still far from the extreme. The jury was out on the Seasoning to begin with. I later concluded that the Potatoes were the least Seasoned part of the Curry. Despite the absorption, the sheer size of the pieces meant the interiors were – just Potato. 
From somewhere, there was a Ginger blast, yet no Strips today. Chef clearly knew what he was about. The Overall Flavour was markedly different from yesterday’s 
It’s OK – was as good as I got from Dr. Stan until he was finished. 
It was certainly spiced – began Dr. Stan – and well seasoned. Authentic Curry, not as rich as 
There was almost an air of – too good to be true – on Hector’s return visit to 
Arriving at 15.30, the chap who served me yesterday was again taking orders, it’s Self Service at 
Today, I was not given the magic coaster, when my meal was ready, it was another customer’s which beeped, then Adnan realised it was my Order. Hector was summoned to the counter, another mass of food awaited. 
One could tell just by looking at this Curry that this was another authentic masterpiece. Just look at that Masala, a tweak on 
Herbs had been cooked through the Oily Masala, not Methi, surely. Anticipation ,,, anticipation, oh yes! 
